Hair. It’s more than a controversial musical. It’s a way of life. How else do you explain the plethora of hairdressers in Beijing? If they aren’t cutting hair, then what could they possibly be doing? No matter. What’s clear is that a bit of mousse and expert tousling can swing you over the fine line between fool and cool.

Temptation is dangerous. That’s why nightlife editors tend to get fat. Depending on where you work, that temptation can take many forms. Take a guess where this guy is employed. A clue? He’s paid in ridiculous haircuts.

I thought I knew a thing or two about active imaginations but this is something else. This is one guy, front and back. You probably knew that, though. He is your bank manager, after all. Now about that loan application  …

Volume is important but should it come at the expense of your hair’s health? Full marks for effort but two treatments ago was as good as it was going to get. Hold back, kids. Less is more. More ends up like the extra in a John Hughes film who ends up on the cutting room floor because the coiffure’s gone too far.

The voice on the other end of the line when these students call home: “Dreadlocks, you say? Absolutely! Yes, they're bound to make you look cool, no doubt about it. Stick with them, I say. One love and all that. As long as you don't put beads in them or get short spiky ones, because that’s only going to make you a target."

When you and your pal dress pretty similarly (and that’s before the glasses), you’ll need something to set you apart. Why not try a much softer, more natural haircut? Then why not ram it home by flashing a bit of leg?

Do blonds really have more fun? If they do, it’s because those who've gone platinum can get away with wearing anything. No one’s going to notice their Adam Ant get-up or what gender-specific anatomical terms apparently emblazon their shirt.

Le mullet, as it’s known in French, is best sported with a Lacoste polo shirt. Nothing says that you’re le cool dude like rocking a modern twist on a haircut that has been dropped by backwoodsmen for seeming a little dated. Shoegazing pose optional.

Let your hair do its thing. Then you might be as joyful as this man. Hirsute is clearly the pathway to wholehearted happiness.