2011 Mar 11 No Ice to Meet You: The Return of the Other Hockey
Hockey is a game played on fields by people called Henry and George (and that’s just the girls). It’s a sport that is played as far and wide as Argentina, New Zealand, Holland and India – and, of course, China. The Beijing Hockey Club sat us down and gave us a stern talking to – which is fitting for a game that starts with a “bully-off.”
Who plays hockey?
It’s the third biggest team sport in the world after football and cricket – so, not that many people at all.
Is everyone as posh as the girls in St. Trinians?
Yes, if you don’t own a castle there is no way you’re getting on the pitch. Also, the wearing of bright yellow tops and short red skirts is compulsory.
Is it an easy game for beginners to take up?
Blah, blah, blah, something about us being all-inclusive. Erm, what we mean to say is that chasing after a small hockey ball with a hooked stick is easy.
Do you get upset that ice hockey is referred to simply as hockey?
It’s like American Football and football. We all know which came first.
Edward III called hockey an “idle game” way back in 1363. Do you agree with him?
He said the very same thing about football and cockfighting.
Has anything changed over the last 650 years?
Obviously cockfighting has come a long way since then.
Hockey clubs are notorious for their after-match antics – is that any different in Beijing?
Have you not heard of our infamous post-match baijiu fines? They’re wicked. There’ll be plenty of post-match antics in our April tour to Hong Kong.
Hockey is the national sport of India and Pakistan. Are their players the best?
They have great flair and individual stick skills but individuality may not be the best in a team sport. When’s the last time you did an Indian dribble?
Who's the best in the world, then?
For women, Argentina and Holland. Hopefully China will be the best one day; they took silver at the Beijing Olympics. As for the men – several at the moment.
What do you think of ice hockey?
Sarah Palin called ice hockey mothers “Bulldogs.” That says it all. We prefer not to wear any protection and they can’t wear short skirts.
What do you think of roller hockey?
No brakes? Meh.
What about air hockey?
Serious fingernail injuries.
For more information, visit the Beijing Hockey Club website or e-mail bjhockeyclub@hotmail.com.
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