Well, it might have a chance if it’s made by Stanley Kubrick, but other than that … ? If you really want to make the call, you’ll have to go to Taiwan, where they’ll be screening the alleged first ever 3-dimensional porn film (a remake of Hong Kong’s 1991 Sex and Zen) in theaters. According to Asian gossip site MayDaily, Chinese mainland tour groups are already planning tour packages to the island with a happy ending – a screening of the new film.

Also, the Guardian and other news sites are buzzing about the WTO’s demands for China to lift its foreign film quota, which currently stands at a paltry 20 films a year (and even then, foreign films already make up 45% of box office revenues). Not sure about you, but I was kind of enjoying the East-West cooperation that’s been happening as a result of the quota – like Kevin Spacey and Christian Bale signing on for Chinese flicks. And even if the quota is lifted, which seems unlikely, we doubt Sex and Zen will make it into theaters…

OK, now on to the “art” art:

There are a ton of exhibits opening in April. TONS. (Photo-philes, April is your month: photo exhibits abound at the UCCA, the new Babu Space, and of course at the Caochangdi PhotoSpring … watch the Art Attack blog next week – and our April issue – for updates!)

So, we’ll take it easy on you this weekend and highlight some non-gallery things to do – like art sale BBQs, sex shop movies, jazz/traditional Chinese music fusions, and nouveau Shakespeare. Ok, there’s one gallery thing: Studio-X is opening their new high-profile exhibit of social architect Hsieh Ying-chun. But it promises to be a pretty happenin’ party (beer and chuan’r on offer), so no complaining out of you (and see details below).

Friday, March 25:

Affordable Art Beijing Spring Show Preview
Swing by their courtyard patio for some chuan’r, beer and art. Free. 6pm. Affordable Art Beijing Courtyard (6 Babaokeng Hutong, Beixinqiao, Dongcheng District, 6407 5314).

TNT’s Much Ado About Nothing
The acclaimed theater group from London gives Beijing their jazzed-up version of one of the Bard’s greatest hits. RMB 60-380. 7.30pm. Nine Theater (8599 1166)

Saturday, March 26:

Staatskapelle Dresden with violin soloist Huang Mengla
One of the world’s oldest orchestras with one of China’s greatest violinists. RMB 200-1,200. 7.30pm. NCPA Concert Hall (6655 0000) *Also a show Sunday night!*

Studio-X: Hsieh Hsing-chun Exhibit Opening
Get a good look at the Taiwanese social architect’s work on rural and disaster relief architecture, also while pounding some chuan’r and beer. In a Tibetan nomad tent. Free. 6.30pm. Studio-X Beijing (6402 8682)

Sunday, March 27:

Red Light Revolution Screening
Hmm, is this the weekend for sex movies? Sam Voutas’ Beijing-based sex shop comedy is stirring up audiences worldwide, and shows for the first time in Beijing. Show up early for panel Q&A and snacks provided by Gung Ho! RMB 60 (discussion, snacks, and screening), RMB 40 (screening only). 5pm (panel), 7pm (screening). Yugong Yishan (6404 2711)

Jazz Piano + Guzheng Concert
Canadian jazz piano master David Braid performs fascinating musical fusion with Chinese guzheng player Chang Jing. RMB 100-380. 7pm. Peking University Hall (6275 1278)

Enjoy. Because it's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday...