Following last week's incident in which British guy on a tourist visa was caught on video allegedly sexually assaulting a Chinese girl and beaten up for his troubles, and this week's announcement of a 100-day crackdown on "illegal aliens" (thanks, Xinhua), this is the last thing foreigners in Beijing (or anywhere in China) need ...

Whether it's in a job interview or when they're three sheets to the wind, everybody occasionally speaks in strange tongues. Not everybody, however, makes videos of themselves doing accents and posting them on the Internet. Way back in December, Dalian's Zhang Xu wowed web-goers with his array of accented English. Now he's got competition in the form of Mike Sui's accented Chinese video – hats off to Beijing Cream for following Chinese college students on social media – which is blowing up all over the interwebs right now. We've put the former and the latter together for you to enjoy in one Youkutastic multinational, multilingual melting pot. And then, for contrast, we've added a sweary British kid in a shed offering his take on everything, including a spot of Chinese-accented English. Enjoy your holiday.

If you're not a weibo user yet, what's keeping you? (Besides navigating the Chinese interface and the new, pesky "real-name" registration issues?) Weibos (Chinese for "microblogs") continue to be one of the best places to get a grip on what Chinese Internet users are saying, thinking, eating, doing, you name it. We've kept you in the know with our Weibo Roundups (covering everything from boobs and underwear to Gary Locke, whistleblowing and even a 2011 year-in-review), and there's more where that came from. For now, read up on the latest news about Sina Weibo and other social media here in China.

Animals have had a hard time of it recently. Hainan welcomes tourists, but not their dogs. Meanwhile, the cat’s out of the bag and into the soup. If that thought doesn't turn your stomach, the toxic milk, oil or peanuts will. As for this week's good news? Line 1 improvements are coming to a subway station near you.

What did you eat on the way to work this morning? Was it an egg, mystery meat and lettuce sandwich from one of these taxi-coloured wagons? Don't lie. They're everywhere now. The rise of Beijing’s mobile breakfast booths has been meteoric. Well, as state-sanctioned snack wagon expansion projects go. Dongcheng, Chaoyang, Xuanwu ... no district is safe.