Thank you. These are actually back-page columns so you can check them out in the magazine as well.
Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the Subway
Rule number one: Don’t queue.
Your best chance of getting a seat is being the first person to charge through that train door, and being at the back of a line won’t help. If you see people lining up, simply ask them what scissors do – and then do it.
If the line has already collapsed into a mass of bodies, then push, jostle, climb or crawl your way to the front. If you’re not getting dirty looks from people around you, you’re doing it wrong.
Once you’ve made your way to the front, take the time to purge yourself of all compassion before the train comes in. Develop a process. Some people visualize the Silk Market or their childhood priest. Mine involves votive candles and Wiccan magic. Whatever you do, make sure that you are not even faintly concerned with the wellbeing of those around you.
DID YOU KNOW? Queuing actually INCREASES the amount of time you wait.
When the doors open, CHARGE! Force your way through the rush of people like a salmon fighting upstream to spawn. Once you’re on the train, sprint to the nearest empty seat. If there aren’t any empty seats in sight, keep cool. Resist the urge to yell “Fire!” Instead, move to the least crowded section of the train and identify passengers who you think will get off soon. Think like a criminal profiler by looking for clues as to where people might get off. For example:
• Businessmen with a carry-on: Dongzhimen or Sanyuanqiao
• Migrants with plastic sacks: Beijing Railway Station
• Children and out-of-towners: Beitucheng or Tiananmen
• Koreans: Wudaokou and Wangjing
• Poor people: any Line 13 interchange
TIP! Avoid people who are sleeping or watching movies on their phone – they’re in it for the long haul.
Once you decide on a mark, make sure to take up as much space in front of him as you can. You can also hedge your bets by hovering over two seated passengers. If either gets up, sit down immediately.
It goes without saying that if a seat opens up anywhere within your field of vision, you should race to it regardless of who is standing nearby. Once, a woman took my seat while I was in the middle of sitting down. I still have her autograph. If, for whatever reason, you feel bad about taking a seat that someone else has waited patiently for, then you have failed to follow my instructions on purging compassion. Shame on you.
If all else fails, go up to random people who are sleeping and, when the train doors open, shake them awake and scream, “Hey, isn’t this your stop?!” If you do it right, they will panic and run out the door.
Once you’re seated, the game changes from acquisition to retention. The biggest dangers now are kids, old people, pregnant women, and the disabled. (Note: If you are an infant, old man, pregnant woman or handicapped, please refer to “George’s Guide to Guilting a Seat on the Subway.”) Under no circumstances should you make eye contact with these people. If you have sunglasses or a good Stevie Wonder impersonation, now would be the time to use it.
FACT! Bones in children are more pliable and heal faster than those in adults. They can recover easily from any tumble!
Of course, the only surefire way to prevent seatjacking is to be unconscious. So break out that neck pillow and have a good nap. If you absolutely must read or crochet on the subway, make sure you can realistically feign narcolepsy. You know that narcoleptic dog on YouTube? Study him. Watch how his limbs go slack right before his face slams into the ground. Become that dog. If you spot a mother walking her toddler in your direction, BOOM, you’re snoozing. See a cripple inching his way toward you? BAM, out like a light. After they pass by or some sucker offers their seat to them, wake up again. Don’t be afraid to do this multiple times on the same trip. If someone calls you out, start to object angrily but then abruptly fall asleep.
DID YOU KNOW? Over 10,000 seatjackings occur each day – that’s one every 8.6 seconds. 73% of these thefts are committed by elderly people.
If you’ve tried all of the above and still find yourself standing, your last option is to plop down on the ground right where you are, even if it’s in the middle of the train. If someone says something unpleasant to you, tell them to say it to your face. When they stand up, take their seat.
Click here to see the December issue of the Beijinger in full.
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Re: Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the ...
Re: Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the ...
Nata you are a braver man than me. I try to avoid conflict because I usually end up angrier than the other person, even if I "win." But yeah, gifting seats upsets me. Some people sit down in one seat, then share the seat with one or two other people. They seem to think that they have claimed the space and that space can be allocated in any way they want.
Re: Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the ...
Re: Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the ...
George, actually agrees with most of what you said except the one pertaining to the old, feeble, pregnant and handicapp. If the child is at least 5 years and older, I dont offer it. If an elderly person is with child, and the child is a student, and I offered my seat, and the elder person gave it to his grandchild, I will restate that it is for him/her, not her grandchild. If s/he insist on giving it to the child, I am not ashamed to ask for it back.
Since the majority of people in BJ are from outside of and poorer surrounding regions, their lack of train etiquette is understandable - the reason is that city government should have taken steps to educate everyone via TVs onboard. If one has never travel outside the country, one never knows what manners one is lacking in, wouldn't it? So I dont blame most of them. However, it does bring my blood to boil when my foot is stepped on without so much as a word of an apology. If it was stepped on twice, I would step back - coz I know I am in the mood for verbal fencing.
I discovered that one must learn to be thick-skin here in BJ because if you are in the right and the other is in the wrong and a verbal war is about to occur, it seems if you are not ready to speak up, LOUDLY, you will probably lose the war. So, when I am in the mood for it, I would, in a nice yet sarcastic way.
My ancestry are Chinese, and I hated it when your opponent says "We Chinese are like that!" Dont fall into this word trap and agrees with him or her coz the other pax would surely look hostilely at you and not the aggressor. The key is to say 'Oh, no, not all Chinese. Just you! Dont put your rude behaviour on all Chinese!" That will win you sympathetic pax comrades who will stand with you to fend off the other.
Also, since I have chosen to live in this lovely yet maddening city, I suppose we have to "do as the Romans do." But I wouldn't go the whole enchilada as we who are born overseas, who are foreigners, should contribute our part in helping to educate our host's people. At least, that is how I feel. Yet, it's like durian or sushi, either you love it or hate it, but it doesnt have to be too extreme.
very amusing. for additional satisfaction, when I do have a seat I seek out people that are being patient, kind, respectful and failing that, hotties. when Im about ready to get up I get their attention and pass the throne over to them directly. double whammy if the dude you beat to the seat sees it happen!
Re: Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the ...
Good artical with Machiavellian strategies and great art of war tactics such as profiling. I go to the front train car for fresher air (less colds) and use the second from the front door to move left or right to get a seat. The front and rear cars have the most empty seats.
Re: Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the ...
Great article. Had a few chuckles where I saw myself there. Staking out two seats and figuring out the tell tale signs of who`s getting off next stop. Sometimes I think people take little kids with them just to get a seat. I was thinking of taking a crutch with me one day and hobble on a train favoring a leg to see how well it would work. Or wrap up a doll in a blanket.
When I first came to Beijing in 04 I was amazed how everyone would crush and cram and reach their money into the ticket booths to get a ticket. How rude! I used to think until I realized with my height and reach I had an advantage:) When in Rome. However nowadays I`m amazed at how orderly things seem to have become. Jinguomen station at rush hour always reminds me of Fritz Lang`s 1925 movie "Metropolis."
Re: Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the ...
That's funny--last night I was just looking up info on a knitting/crochet group I heard about a year or so ago, and happily, they're still going! Check out http://www.beijingguild.com/. It's a group of ladies getting together to knit/crochet/do handcrafts on Tuesdays and/or Thursdays, at different locations within 2nd and 3rd Ring Rds. I heard about it through a lady who is (was?) in Beijing running a small online yarn business as a side line. Her website is still up and running (http://www.beyondknitting.com/) but I don't know if she's still in Beijing any longer.
Good luck finding a group to join! I still crochet a bit in the evenings watching TV, but can't find the time to join a craftsy group, though I'd love to some day, when life slows down a bit.
@ Si.NonThat's great! I was asking actually because I used to crochet nearly every day I took the subway last year. I never saw anyone else doing it, so upon reading George's article, I wondered if he'd ended up in my subway car at least one day last year. Glad to hear someone else does it! (Though I should mention that I crocheted mainly b/c it was the only way I could keep myself calm enough to avoid maiming/strangling/attacking my fellow passengers, and I currently no longer take the subway; bought an e-scooter last Sept cause the subway-induced angst along with the subway-related accidents finally got to me.)
Haha... I was thinking the same! I had to travel pretty much across town to get to work. Not doing anything on that 50 minutes subway ride drove me nuts (unless I decided to nap). Crocheting... let's just say gave me a sense of fulfillment as an accomplished passenager 
On a separate note, do you still crochet/knit in your spare time? My friend used to organize knitting/crocheting/sewing evenings with a group girls. But then she moved to Shanghai 
If you know anyone who has a similar kind of group do let me know. I miss being "craftsy" with other girls!
Re: Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the ...
@ Si.Non
That's great! I was asking actually because I used to crochet nearly every day I took the subway last year. I never saw anyone else doing it, so upon reading George's article, I wondered if he'd ended up in my subway car at least one day last year. Glad to hear someone else does it! (Though I should mention that I crocheted mainly b/c it was the only way I could keep myself calm enough to avoid maiming/strangling/attacking my fellow passengers, and I currently no longer take the subway; bought an e-scooter last Sept cause the subway-induced angst along with the subway-related accidents finally got to me.)
Re: Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the ...
have you actually seen people crocheting on the subway?
Erm... actually I crochet when I used to take long subway rides everyday 8| I really admire those older ladies who knit woolen undies at light speed on the subway. They must have thought I was a joke with my little crochet hooks working slowly loop by loop...
Re: Peking Man: George's Guide To Getting a Seat on the ...
