The Job Hunt: Beijing Bear Grylls, Foreigners with Special Talents, Graphic Designers

Back to the grind. Unending jiaozi swimming in puddles of baijiu chased with 18mg cigarettes from Zhang Shushu have provided a fresh perspective on life, new meaning in work, fun as a capitalistic pawn, joy in seeking for jobs that don't exist. But don't get down just yet! Our Classifieds are home to a plethora of businesses looking for your spunk, your zest for life, your pervasive stank. It is after all, my friends, the year of the monkey. Onwards!

Part-Time Translators
These guys are looking for someone magical with words. Specifically magicking sticky English into other unspecified languages. You'll be whizzing up letters, contracts, reports, articles, books, and emails for companies like Coca Cola (who?), Starbucks (never heard of them), Disney (rings a bell ...), and some others. All you need is the ability to work remotely online, be able to talk ok to fellow human beings, work to deadlines (which you should have been doing since school), have some good general knowledge, as well as skills in another language (surprise).

Graphic Designer for Papp's Tea
Papp's Tea's goal is to educate the entire world about tea in China. Your job would be to design some concepts that ooze tea culture. You'll lead tea projects, enhance the company's creative outlook through tea, inspire others by drinking tea and then drawing (on) your experiences, and generally just have a great time designing great tea-centric products. You must be bilingual, understand design within the mediums of print, design, photography, video and web editing, and know your way around Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign and Flash. The list goes on ... check the link.

Wanted: Bear Grylls
Are you Bear Grylls? Do you know what zorbing is? No? Well don't even bother with this one.

Foreigners with Special Talents and Personality
This one's a little confusing. It seems that all your special talent needs to be is speaking a language. Well, congrats, I guess you got the job. Except you may also have the opportunity to be hired for a special event, which also opens the floor to you glass-eating, fire-breathing, noodle-slurping contortionists out there. Go get 'em, tiger!

Cash/You
I smell danger.

Business Developer for Luxury Property Company
I recently watched A Solitary Man, coming off a Michael Douglas kick (don't ask) and want to suggest that you never do. Anyway, he plays a washed up, womanizing business mogul in New York and ends up working in a diner on a college campus with Danny DeVito, which is the only redeeming part of the entire story and film. Anyway, this could be your chance to do the same except you'll have to get rich first by becoming a business developer for luxury, commercial apartments and villas (they have those here?) in Beijing (oh). Bag RMB 11-20,000 per month as well as a possible RMB 60-80,000 in commission. Holy moly. Snap out of it, Ben! Don't let the money make you lose sight of why you're in this game  it's only the dodgy deals and philandering at the top that will lead you to DeVito.

Piano Teaching in Exchange for Food
This one's special. It's the kind of job that made me wish I had skills, especially piano skills. You go to this boy's home, teach him piano in exchange for food cooked by this guy's first class european home chef, who just so happens to also be his wife. You get to choose five days-worth of homemade European food, to a taste of your liking, for one hour of piano lessons every weekend. Classes can be taught in either English or Chinese ... "or any other languages you are comfortable with". Ok then.

Good luck, everyone! And remember there's plenty more opportunities just like these (and a helluva lot more English teaching jobs) in our Classifieds.

Image: americasfuture.org