No matter your "type", sometimes a big, sweet, sloppy love flows your way and is impossible to resist. This much is true of Study English Bar, just south of Tsinghua University in the Haidian district. If you're not chased away by the gushing refrain of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" which can dominate the entrance, Study English Bar will quickly prove itself a warm and worthy watering hole – particularly if you are looking for a language exchange.

Important bar safety tip: prepare yourself for Pong. No, not the videogame, though there are plenty of diversions strewn about the rooms; but Pong, the enormously genial manager. When he greets you, the bar's faux palm trees seem to sizzle and their cobalt string lights flash even more brightly. That is, his abounding warmth transforms the place into Orlando. So wear your tank tops. It is not uncommon for Pong to treat Study English Bar newbies to a free drink as he explains the different activities that take place in his establishment. Among them, notably, are the nightly English classes, which might run about RMB 15 and include a gratis red tea with the hour-long lesson. Free Mandarin tutorials are offered as well, but on a more ad-hoc basis.

When I walk into Lady Book Saloon and tell the proprietress that I don't speak Mandarin, she laughs out loud. Apparently it's strange to think a laowai such as myself would have much to gain in a shop like hers. But hey, I'm a lady – I like books and saloons ... In any case I am there on a mission: I need to scour fashion magazines for a dream garment. Among the quests for unique fashion in Beijing, custom tailoring must surely be the sartorial Holy grail. I can't imagine a better way to galvanize my project than by pulling up a stool with a lady book and some sarsaparilla.

Stepping inside, past a bush brimming with pink azaleas, a minor bubble bursts: there is no sign of a player piano or bordello-style lampshades. Is this or is this not a saloon? Instead of ragtime tunes, the speakers pump out the light, melodic trill of Chinese folk-pop. The music would be pleasantly conducive to reading, were one in fact literate in Chinese. Serendipitously there are some materials available in English – mainly recent issues of Western magazines such as Time and Newsweek. Even so, some might find it painful to miss out on featured translations such as Rosemary's Baby or Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation. After a few minutes of perusing the elegance guides near the glamour section, I seize a copy of Chinese Vogue and make my way to the back reading room.