Peking Man: George's Guide to Living in China Without Learning Chinese

George Ding | Apr 27, 2015 3:00 pm | 10 comments | 10133 reads

We’ve all met him: the foreigner who’s lived in China for years but doesn’t speak a lick of Chinese. How does he do it? How does he remain, against all odds, untouched by his surroundings, pristine in his primal form, like an insect preserved in amber? Some look down on this type of compatriot expatriate, but not me. I know that to go 10 or 20 years without learning how to order takeout is not luck – it is skill, refined through decades of indifference to local culture. Thankfully, it’s easier than ever to develop this skill. So if you have a Chinese textbook in your home, burn it. Here’s how to get by in China without ever learning Chinese.

FOOD
The most important issue is also the simplest to solve. Gone are the days when expats had to carry photos of kung pao chicken every time they left the house. Most restaurants today have an English menu or at least one with pictures. All you need to provide is a finger that points.

TRAVEL
Like a patient with Alzheimer’s, carry a card with your name and home address on your person at all times. That way, when a Chinese passerby finds you wandering around Huilongguan at three in the morning, he can direct you to your home or healthcare facility. Once you’ve mastered finding your home, you can start to collect business cards from the places you frequent, showing them to cab drivers whenever necessary. If this ever fails, don’t panic. There’s always the foolproof strategy of putting your friend who knows Mandarin on the phone to direct the cab driver.

WORK
A total inability to speak Mandarin might limit your career opportunities elsewhere, but not here! Most companies here are willing to dramatically lower their standards to accommodate native English speakers. What’s more, the more professional your company is, the better your co-workers’ English will be. Most will have a better grasp of English grammar than you and some might even possess a larger vocabulary. Take this opportunity to brush up on your mother tongue. But if you can’t learn from your co-workers, they can still learn from you. In fact, by making no attempt at all to converse in Chinese, you’re actually doing them a favor: forcing them to improve their English. Don’t mind the whispering behind your back, in their heart of hearts they thank you for it.

TWO SIMPLE PHRASES
I’m not going to lie. Living in China without learning Chinese is difficult and should only be attempted by the truly obstinate. Of course life is much easier if you know Chinese. But what, you might ask, is the absolute minimum you must know to get by? As long as you know these two simple phrases, there is no limit to the amount of time you can spend in China:

听不懂 (tīngbùdong) – “I don’t understand.”This is the magic bullet. Anytime someone says something to you with tones, this should be your go-to. (NOTE:This phrase is much more effective if said with a blatant foreign accent.) 

我是美国人 (woshìměiguórén) – “I’m an American.” If someone is still bothering you after you’ve told them repeatedly you tīngbùdǒng, play this trump card. When a Chinese person hears this from someone who has made no attempt to engage with their culture, they usually leave that person alone. Forever.

Read previous editions of Peking Man here.

Photo: Smithsonian

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Re: Peking Man: George's Guide to Living in China Without...
Posted Jan 12, 2016 5:51am by ClausMB

I liked George's article, especially this thing about the "insect preserved in amber".

The odd insect has crossed my path as well, e.g. one evening in France, where I encountered someone from a country X who had lived there with his French ladyfriend for a whole year and still hadn't taken the trouble to learn any French. She felt she had to translate the entire discussion for him all evening.

But kiore has a valid point, I think, arguing that English is a useful tool to simplify communication - to a point.

It's up to everyone, isn't it, to decide to stay dumber longer?

The advantage to be clever is that you can always play dumb - the other way it's not so easy.

Re: Peking Man: George's Guide to Living in China Without...
Posted May 14, 2015 9:40am by Mr Happy

Hi

I'm a little late picking this post up, but thought i must comment to previous posts, criticizing foreigners who don't speak Chinese.

Firstly i've been here 6 years and HAVE made the effort to learn the language and i live in a Chinese community. The reason i have done this is for many reasons. Easier to integrate into society, understand the people and culture, get things i need with minimal problems, make Chinese friends etc etc.

But i do not understand the rant about laziness, get out of my country kind of statement. Because the only person this kind of foreigner hurting is himself/herself. They are just making there own lives more difficult. Most of the ones i have met are decent people and do work hard, but because Beijing is a very International city, so these people can survive with no Chinese...... like many International capital cities. BUT THAT IS THEIR CHOICE!

As far as forcing locals to speak English. I dont understnd this. If the local speaks English, then no problem and it's probably in a retail environment, so i'm sure the local does ok by this and makes a living out of the many foreigners spending money. Because hey, we're all rich right????

Also most Chinese i have met, desperately want to speak English with me, which is sometimes why its difficult to make genuine friends. Many times i have had Chinese people home in on me, then this bizarre conversation, where he is speaking English and i'm speaking Chinese.

Anyway.....sorry for my rant. But to finish i would just like to say.....we shouldn't generalise. Give people a chance. Anywhere should accept anyone if they are decent hard working people, regardless of langage skills. Ultimately, only the person who doesnt study the language will suffer. So, if they don't care, why should you care.

LESS HATE PLEASE. There's so many terrible things in the world happening everyday to have so much hate about something like this.

Keep smiling.

Re: George's Guide to Living in China Without Learning Chinese
Posted May 2, 2015 8:25am by lucreziab

I think it's lazy too not to try to learn the local language. It's not easy , but it makes things a lot more fun and convenient . Even my first trip to China way back when I learned basic every day things like buying tickets , days of the week, etc.

Re: George's Guide to Living in China Without Learning Chinese
Posted Apr 29, 2015 1:21pm by K-Vin
(Reply to a previous comment)

My bad to not make it all too clear. Given you're a tourist or that you just arrived in Beijing, of course english will be the biggest convenience you get here. My point was meant for the people that live and work here for years already and still force locals to use english. There's just no excuse for this lazyness. Once you have your foundation here and you plan to live here, you're not a tourist anymore. You should study the language that's spoken in the country you're living in. Doesn't matter if everyone studies english in school. They study english here because they want to go study abroad. Not to make lazy foreigners feel comfortable here. Sure, they like to have foreign friends to practice their english but in return, people should make a move towards them and show some good will. Practice chinese. It's all about the effort of trying. But some just say"too hard, won't do it"..Lazy cowards aren't needed. China is not an international country. In the US people also don't speak any other language to foreigners because their simply proud of their heritage. On their ground there's nothing wrong with pride.

Re: George's Guide to Living in China Without Learning Chinese
Posted Apr 28, 2015 11:16pm by Pig

Great article. It was both informative and very funny.

Re: George's Guide to Living in China Without Learning Chinese
Posted Apr 28, 2015 2:41pm by K-Vin
(Reply to a previous comment)

I don't think it's because people aren't bright. They actually outsmart the locals by acting dumber as they are. Just like the article encourages people to be lazy. Even if it's sarcasm, some people DO live this way..They use locals to get what they want, but luckily not every local is foreign friendly and knows the difference of helping someone to find a way and playing 服务员。Can't speak for europeans because i'm more often surrounded by americans and locals while observing their interactions but sure, there's people from all around the world who act this way. I think locals could be way more proud about their capital and country than they actually are. Sure, the foreign friendly people give China a great face and surely convince those who still think that every person eats dogs and is dirty etc..But still, doesn't change the fact that it's way too easy to get a visa here, for criminals, exiled ppl, etc...people who just don't care about China as such. Why does a chinese person have to speak english to a foreigner? They are happy to have foreign friends but what most don't know, they're being used...

Re: George's Guide to Living in China Without Learning Chinese
Posted Apr 27, 2015 9:48pm by celinekuo
(Reply to a previous comment)

nice shot! i absolutely agree with u.

<p>on the road........</p>

Re: George's Guide to Living in China Without Learning Chinese
Posted Apr 27, 2015 8:07pm by lucreziab
(Reply to a previous comment)

What a joke, I know some Europeans here who have been here for over a year and can't speak any Chinese nor can they get around the city by themselves. There's just too much drama. I just don't bother with people like that. I can't be holding their hand all the way home just because they aren't bright enough to learn the language and/or read a map. Sorry you had to leave your country though.

Re: George's Guide to Living in China Without Learning Chinese
Posted Apr 27, 2015 7:30pm by beibeet

take it easyyyyyy, this post is clearly tongue-in-cheek!

Re: George's Guide to Living in China Without Learning Chinese
Posted Apr 27, 2015 6:25pm by K-Vin

There we go, the reason why i had to leave my tiny little country in Europe. Foreigners. More specifically, parasytes. Foreigners that come for the money, take our jobs for a smaller loan, don't even dare to learn the language that is spoken in my country. Same as not adapting to my countries' culture. Dear parasytes, you are the reason why people become racist. I can't hear people coming here for the money and repeatedly say "this is China" when something doesn't go their way. People who are too lazy to adapt and respect another culture(dear americans in China), please feel free to go back home or get a bottle of almighty Yanjing thrown at your face by locals in your favorite club. Seen so many fights recently...Funny coz all of them were americans. Keep it peaceful and adapt, or get out. This rule applies to every foreigner here, especially the south american latino gangster invasion..And by the way, learning chinese is one of the easiest languages to learn. You just have to be willing to do it. Period. Rant mode: off.