Adam and the Ants-Dog Eat Dog

Man Needs Woman-Bad Company

When A Man Loves A Woman-Michael Bolton

haha that last one is bu cuo.

There is similar one.

One day a lizard met an old crocodile, when the old crocodile began to eat it, the lizard opend mouth to say:

my dear father! I miss you so much!

Then the old crocodile said: oh my poor kid, I haven't seen you for a while, then how come you become so slim! You must play in the stock market too much!

How, who, what, when, where did someone manage to unlock your old banned account?

Wangshuo is a writer(liumang writer). His daughter is named Bingbing.

One day, Wangshuo came back home, and Bingbing came over: "Daddy, daddy, let me tell you a story."
Wangshuo: "Ok."
Bingbing started: One day, a very cute white rabbit wanted to see her grandma, but got lost in the forest. She saw a black rabbit and asked, "Brother black rabbit, I am lost, how can I leave the forest?" Black rabbit, "I can tell you that, but you should make me happy first". Sister white rabbit had no other choice, so she made him happy. Sister white rabbit walked on. Ran, ran, she got lost again, and met a grey rabbit. She ran over and asked, "Brother grey rabbit, I am lost, how can I leave the forest?" Grey rabbit, "I can tell you that, but you should make me happy first". Sister white rabbit had no other choice, so she made him happy. Finally, Sister white rabbit left the forest. She found herself pregnant.

Bingbing asked Wangshuo, "Dad, guess, what color babies"?
Wangshuo, "What color?"
Bingbing, "I can tell you that, but you should make me happy first".

Joke heard in China:

A yank, a German, a Chinese and a Japanese are on a trans-Pacific flight.

Suddenly the captain announces the plane is getting dangerously low on fuel, and asks for a passenger to jump so as to lower the plane's weight.

The yank gets up and strolls towards the door saying to the others: "well, it's been fun. Long live America!" He jumps.

The captain claims the plane is still too heavy, so asks for another passenger to jump.

The kraut gets up, gives the nazi salute and goose-steps to the door, saying "we krauts are brave! Long live Merkel!" and jumps.

Captain: "sorry folks, we;re going to need one more jumper".

The Chinese takes a look at the Jap and heads towards the door. The Jap seeing this walks towards the Chinese, shaking his hand, says: "good brother, I won't forget you!".

Chinese: "Long live China!" Then kicks the Jap off the plane.

To test the abilities of cops from USA, HK, and China mainland, UN set free 3 rabbits and asked these cops to find them, see who can do it fastest.

First team, American cops. They had a half day's meeting, set up a meticulous plan, perfectly arranged, then sent SAL to the forest and did carpet-style search, but the rabbits had already gone during the meeting. Failed!

Next came the HK cops. They arranged 100 guys and tens of police cars lined up along the forest. The leader warned over horn, "You are closed in. Give it up." Half a day, not a single response. Then Flying tigers/SDU were sent to the forest. Nothing, nobody. Failed!

Finally came the Chinese POLICEMEN! Exactly just 4 They played mah-jong for a whole day. Until the evening, each of them took a baton and walked into the forest. 5mins later, sad, sad, horrible cries came out from the forest. 4 guys happliy walked out while smoking leisurely, a bear was following, at his last gasp, "Please stop it, I am the rabbit..."

that joke would be a lot less creepy if it weren't a little girl asking her dad to have sex with her.

Now THAT'S funny!

How did Rabbi Silversteinberb make beer.

Hebrew it.

well, if we're doing rabbi jokes...

After 20 years of being a mohel, Rabbi Levine had accumulated a lot of extra foreskin from his circumcisions, which he kept preserved in jars. One day, he decided to ask his friend, who was a leathercrafter, to make something out of it.
A week later, his friend returned and presented him with a beautifully made wallet.
"A wallet?" the Rabbi asked. "All that foreskin I gave you, and all you could make was a wallet??"
"Ahhh, yes," his friend replied, "But if you rub it, it turns into a briefcase."

A city worker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the Goldman Sachs office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the curb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the city worker grabs his mobile and calls the police. Five minutes later the police arrive, but before the policeman has chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming

hysterically:

"My Porsche, my beautiful midnight blue Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.

"I can't believe how materialistic you bloody city workers are," he says.

"You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" sobs Lee the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you."

The city worker looks down in horror ."F***ING HELL !" he screams........

"Where's my Rolex??..."