The Starbucks douchebag
- Joined: Feb 15th, 2009
- Posts: 2,221
I am sure you have seen them, maybe you are one yourself, the Starbucks douchebag. They are not only in Beijing, they are everywhere in the U.S. but here they stick out like a sore thumb! You know them, that white guy sitting alone, sipping a coffee for hours. The real douchey ones take their shoes off, feel right at home. They always have a book, computer, etc on their table. They have douchebag clothes on, it is their way of being "not cool" while trying so f-ing hard to look cool. If young they have some specs on to look worldly, if older it is grey hair and some expensive gloves on the table.
They sit there for hours. Nothing better to do, often their Chinese skills do not go much above "ni hao and xie xie" but they don't care, they are at home, they are at Starbucks, where a duchebag can live like a king. They hunt for that prime real estate, a table by the window, where everyone can see them. If there happens to be an outlet near, well, all the better for all day hanging.
I have never walked past a Starbucks without seeing one, Starbucks almost needs to spray for removal of these pests. That is why Starbucks costs so much I guess, for the Starbuck douchebag will buy one cup of something and sip on it for 1 to 8 hours. Sometimes to not raise suspicion the Starbucks douchebag may be forced to buy a 100rmb piece of cake or bread to place next to his empty cup.
They are in Beijing, Shenzhen, Shanghai, Tokyo, Seoul, and all over the world. Next time you are walking around and pass by a Starbucks, look inside, take a glance, give that Starbucks douchebag a head nod, a two fingered jack, a wink or a smile, let him know he is looking good, sitting there hiding from the real world that is outside of those Starbuck walls but he is too much of a p#$sy to experience something Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc, no, in his mind he is right where he needs to be, for once that fair haired maiden sees this douche sitting there with his Iphone and coffee cup, well, how can she resist?
KZ
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
Funny post.
Hahah, sounds like I was one of them, though I can speak good Chinese
Bottlenecking
_JoJo_
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
why are you such a racist chinese prick, CF??
_JoJo_
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
mre likely than not...it was a chinese douche bag if it were a beijing starbucks...he probably just got finished watching some douchebag movie about Nanjing massacre too.
cool girl
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
i dont buy any thing to sit there
though i am not one of them dont go unless necessary
timing for leap, i am contented as a woman
Sciency
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
But when you do, you *linger*.
Gross!
Galaxies don't move Sciency. They're in a fixed position.
cool girl
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
why if i have to sit some place to wait for sb or sth, of course i sit there, dont have a desire to eat or drink. why its gross?
i only went to starbulks less than 10 times i bet.
timing for leap, i am contented as a woman
walls
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
I am not sure anything he posted was racist.
I always found it strange that people need to take their laptops to a coffee shop to chat online.
I love my planet Vulcan. I'm proud of being a Vulcan in the universe.
chaofan
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
I am white and there of course was nothing racist, it was just a comdedic rant, some will like it and understand it, some will not get it and not like it.
jojo is a douchebag, I think that was my main point
cool girl
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
maybe because they are on trip or they dont have internet at home or whatever they are staying
timing for leap, i am contented as a woman
Herbz
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
VIDEO
Soundcloud tracks
Some mixes
_JoJo_
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
ill admit your English has gotten better over the years, but you still lack of general knowledge of being an American...(although Im not equating white to being an american, just your lack of knowledge of claiming to be one)
good luck and keep trying, one day you might become white too...just ask this guy
Jeremy 29
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
I can't decide if the starbucks douche is worse than the douche who feels starbucks is beneath him. (Not a jab at the OP). But, you know what I mean? I LOVE coffee, and back home there's so many great coffee shops that roast their own beans and things like that. My favourite is one ran by an old Italian guy back home. He ran the place as an Italian style coffee shop meant for people to talk about work and sports, not to host hippie music and poetry nights. People probably thought he was nuts specializing in Coffee when he first opened in the late 60s.
He wears terrible suits, expensive shoes, always greets you with a big smile and a joke and serves GREAT coffee. His two sons, always behind the counter are very pleasant and professional. His clients were always regular people who just liked good coffee. Any fellow Vancouverites may know the place I'm talking about, it's become a local institution.
Well, last time I was home the hipster douchebags had gotten wind of the place and infested it with their lingering. I'm sure the old man is going bonkers with these little shits sitting in his places for hours on end ordering two cups of coffee.
I can't decide if they are worse than the starbucks douches. At least the starbucks ones keep their douchery in Starbucks, where I never go cause it's overpriced and tastes like sh*t.
Look forward to working with you.
Herbz
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
CONFUSED PIG IS CONFUSED
VIDEO
Soundcloud tracks
Some mixes
Jeremy 29
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
WHY!? Why can't he do that at home? It's not like he's gonna pick up chicks that way.
Look forward to working with you.
cameron326
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
i'm am eagerly awaiting my first visit to the two SBs (lol) thats just opened in the 2.5 tier city i live in. For all their faults they'e still a step up from the stiff Chinese style table service coffee shops. They are both full of people Zhuang Bi, but the Chinese style one is 'look how rich i am" zhuangbi, while starbucks is, 'look how cool i am' zhuangbi.
and starbucks is at least relaxing, which cant be said for the chinese style joints.
The Equalizer
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
I hope this is a generalization and not true. I go to starbucks, but I can honestly say I have never been there hoping for chicks (usually there waiting for one already I know), have never brought a computer there, nor would I lay my expensive gloves on the table out of fear they might be misplaced or forgotten.
I'm too sensitive of my image because now I need to search for another type of coffee shop to assure I am not confused with the douchebags. Not a big thing as I think across the 3rd ring road from my place there is a French bread shop that serves good coffee. Please don't post anything negative about that shop or I will be totally lost as to where to enjoy my coffee.
Thanks for the info and I do enjoy a good cup of coffee, most anytime, day or night.
If your hungover and wishing you were dead, then its not so bad. If your hungover and wondering why your not dead it might be bad.
zhenlai
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
While his English has improved yours had taken a royal beating. What is that mess you posted above.
美国鬼子
chaofan
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
No, that is quite obvious, it is though quite obvious that you are an idiot. We all know you sell that cheap crap weed down at Sanlitun with your mumbled crappy English. The tequila? Come on, that only makes you smarter.
Your big dig on me is calling me not white and not from America? I think it has been established on here many times over what race I am and where I am from, welcome to the forum dumbass.
Jojo the dancing douchebag, how many ID's have you gone through? What a loser
_JoJo_
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
yet you still try to claim to be a white american from?? where is it? oregon, washington...but yet you still know little about things like traffic laws and how much a waitress earns.
_JoJo_
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
What?? It wasnt that bad...
chaofan
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
Oh, nice try, I will not be tricked into giving up too much information, you are warm, but not hot. . .
Do you know what a "California stop" is? Can not get away with it in Oregon, humor me, what is it?
otto
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
I'm a white (polack/jew/nazi) american, and I have absolutely no idea what a waitress earns, nor do I give a rat's fat ass.
why would anyone who is neither a waitress or a pimp give a stank donkey sh*t?
"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
_JoJo_
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
go shave your balls otto
otto
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
your sh*t is all over them, JoJo.
"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
_JoJo_
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
humor me...tell me the process of the way an intersection works with traffic light...who goes first and from what lanes?
no california stops either because this isnt a stop sign
_JoJo_
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
OH, we are back to sh*t jokes now?? Do we need more sh*t photos from the clown????
otto
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
I guess so.
you brought the big shoes and smeared the lipstick on your ring.
"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
_JoJo_
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
_JoJo_
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
otto
Re: The Starbucks douchebag
that's nice. more poop.
yay
"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."