If your going thru divorce, my advice is to get a lawyer and try to arrange it that your ex pays child support and the international school in order your child and you can continue to live close to the similiar lifestyle. If you can not agree things with him on this level, it is in your interest to get a lawyer.

Yes, if your ex is paying child support, you definitely should allow him to see the child. The child belongs to both of you. Both of you should not say not so good things about each other in front of the child. (That is a form of brainwashing. Let the child grow up normally and form his own opinions about u and your ex.)

Be happy if he is interested in seeing the child , but assure he is not a "dead beat" dad, which means he doesn't pay child suppport as required. Just arrange that he has to give notice and agree times when he can stop by just to pick up the child. You only have to see your ex briefly and not even exchange words, but in time things will be civil.

I wouldn't be thinking aboout another step dad at the moment, and you should go through the healing process, with the support of friends, and spend time alone with your child to figure things out. Be carful of a "rebound", which is natural after divorce, which means you are not used to being alone and some man momentarily comes into your life and is sweet and you want to jump into a long term relation again because you fele time is not on your side. Quite the opposite. You can marry anytime you want, so be patient.

And when that time comes, if the man loves you, he will love your daughter. if he treats you good, he will treat your daughter good.

It's hard to go through this kind of tragedy, but it happens. If the love is gone, if there is no chance to be civil and rekindle things, it might be even better for all vs living in a "nightmare."

The above advices are based on the assumption that you guys have truly tried every method to work it out. Yes, it takes two. Maybe last resort is try a marriage counciler, but usually that fails also.

Of utmost importance is to let the child know that she is loved still by both of you. I'm not a qualified professional, but these advices are so basic, they will not dispute them.

Good luck, it's not easy, it's a drastic change of course, these things happen for a reason,you will have good and bad days, and your not alone. Don't think too much now but do not be stupid either by listening to just him if it is ended. Get a lawyer if still in disagreement.

You won't get many post for this because we don't know if for sure you guys are getting a divorce or not so nmost are silently hoping for the best, that this is just a short term disagreement and you two can still work it out.

It's never too late to do that also. Maybe a different strategy instead of saying you make me angry when... or you do this...that..try to say when you do this it makes me fell liek this and that...and try to listen. Not both tlaking or raising voices at same time. Only one talking or it means no one is listening.

I'm sure I will get slammed by many on this site for not minding my own business, but you posted this for a reason and I can only think it is because your troubled as to your future. Please relaize these are only advices and its best if nbot too late for you two to work out your problems as no one else can do that. Only you two can. make sure you tried so you don't look back and have no regrets. I mean really really tried.

Where is your husband from?

Is your child an American citizen?

Because if you are not an American citizen and your husband wants to take your daughter there is little you can do about it. She is American, he is American so he is the one that has the upper hand in determining what will happen to her. The U.S. Embassy will support him if he desires to keep her and there will be nothing you can do about it.

You need to be careful if you wish to stay in contact with your daughter. You need to get a lawyer and come to some agreement with your husband about what will happen to your daughter. The U.S. government is very protective of its citizens when they are so young.

If her husband comes to take the child away there is absolutely nothing she can do about it. The child is not a Chinese citizen so the police nor the courts here have any jurisdiction on the well being of said child.

That is true if the divorce happens in China and the husband comes to claim the child as a US citizen. it means the administrative branch is involved, ie. the embassy.

But if the divorce takes place in the US, the judicial branch is involved,ie. the courts.

The courts will not decide who has custody soley on citizenship. If she has been married long enough, she most probably has permanent rsidency in the US. (This takes place on the 3rd filing, and after that it does not matter if she is married or not to remain in the US.) The time period is only to make sure someone hasn't married just to get in, which is another issue.

If they agree on joint custody, then she will not be allowed to take the child out of the US without his permission. If he has sole custody, there is nothing she can do. if she has sole custody, she is legally responsible soley. (She still might need permission to take the child out of the country, but I doubt it because it means he has no legal claim.

Which custoddy depends on if they both agree joint and are willing or if they do not agree, who makes the case why the other is unfit and who is best able to take care of the child. The courts lean towards the mother and nationality doesn't have a play in it.

You are too blinded by your percieved power of the government in this case. You also confuse branches of government. Your only correct if the child is in China and joint custoddy has taken place and he then tries to claim the child.

But the adminstrative branch will not overrule the judiciary branch's decision that was made in the US courts.

But to really know, there are allot questions to be asked and answered to determine which way the cookie crumbles.

If there is a divorce in China and the child is an American citizen the rights of the American parent will be favored. That is all there is to it. The Chinese have no jurisdiction when it comes to a citizen of The United States of America.

Calm down LZ.
Sh*t happens.

1st try to avoid divorce!
both of you are still young (i assume), both of you can change your personality, if you really want to.
there is no guarantee that the next husband will be better than the current one!
ask common friends to mediate / coach / counsel (friends work more efficient than professional counselors). i know more than one marriage that was at the brink of collapse and after going through a deep crisis, they became a happy couple again.

2nd, if you really can't avoid marriage, try to get a peaceful divorce, including child custody.

3rs and least favourable approach: divorce at a court.
i assume all three of you are living in china.
if you file for a divorce in china, only chinese laws applies. but china has some special regulations on international marriage and divorce, so you should get an experienced lawyer.
anyway, if your husband does not agree to a divorce, he may delay a divorce by 2 years (do you live separately?)
is your child born in china? then it should have the chinese citizenship.
i fully advocate equality of the genders, but in the current society (both china and us), in 90% of the cases women are more capable to raise children than men. and judges see it the same way. so your chances are very good a court will give you the child custody.
to be on the safe side, you should not allow your child to travel to the us.

to be a single mother is a hard job, a very hard job. be prepared, assure support from your parents and friends before divorce. can you afford to hire a baomu?

will a stepfather be nice to her? difficult to say. i have such a case in the chinese part of my family, and it works well. but it is difficult to predict.
whatever you do, don't rush into the next marriage!

education: i have much experience with both western and chinese education, and i definitly favour chinese education (you don't need to become a tiger mom though ). if your child atteds an international school, it will be difficult to attend a chinese university and most of the lessons will be in a foreign language. her friends will be foreigners, your child will be a foreigner in its own country.
chinese universities may not be the best of the world now (though a good chinese university is better than an average western one), but i am absolutesly sure, by 2017 chinese universities will be the best ones!

one final word: man and women are from different planets! after many years of marriage sometimes i still think that man and women should live separately, like many mamals (cats, bears, elephants, ...) do. a man will never think and feel in a way like you do. get used to it!
(btw: i am male)

Absolute garbage....

Men are from Earth
Women are from Earth

get used to it.....

Was the child born in the United States? If you both lived here and the child was born in China having an American parent does not make the child an American citizen. Does the child have an American passport? If she does then follow Zhenlai's advice, if she does not have one then you are in a better position.

Also important is who has the child now? Is she in the U.S. or China now? Oh, did your ex say he even wants the child? You two where married for two years and had a child together, hope you can work it out together. Your liking or dislike of the father should not get in the way of the child being able to see her father and know about her heritage.

If you can still save your marriage do it.It's really hard to be a single mom