mistreated by good treatment!

I have a complaint, or many complaints, about this place, if complaints mean compliments.

The first horrible thing they did, was when I walked in off the street carrying a nearly full street beer, they asked that I put it in a glass of their own choosing. Was that glass clean? I didn't look too hard, but I'm not dead of food poisoning, so I think it maybe was.

Then I got up on their benches. With my own street beer. And a delicious Founder Brewery coffee & chocolate beer that they serve on tap. This is my first complaint. My own street-bought Snow in the blue can, but in their glass, was awful compared to their beer. So, if you were looking for a street-beer friendly place, you found it, but you'll be sorry later, because their beer is immensely better. The owner, at the next table, guilted me about it when he asked if everything was alright. I felt so insulted, because he should have been able to tell I'm an alcoholic, so of course more alcohol in front of me is alright!

And then, I got food. They brought the food at least 15 MINUTES after I ordered it. Now that tells you something. What it tells you is they cooked it. It was also delicious. But I had to wait for PHYSICS, and CHEMISTRY, the bastards, to make it taste good. The people who run this menu obviously are bound by natural laws. Yes, the food was wonderful. But I came expecting magic, because I'm habitually unreasonable.

So anyway, they gave me this delicious food, and delicious drinks, and I said, "No, I'm taking these home, on your plates." They said, "You want takeout containers? Ours are biodegradable, but they cost 1 yuan, and we're keeping our plates btw." I'm still thinking about all the things I could have bought with the 1 yuan. A bus ride, also a bus ride, and perhaps a lighter to collect dust and grease stains in my kitchen. I sacrificed sneaking out their plates in my trenchcoat pockets for nice neat takeout containers in a paper bag. Now I have to think of a new excuse to hit on the dry cleaner's daughter. Maybe she wants some compost. I can't exactly just pop by with compost though. "Hey babe want some soil?" - doesn't work! Thanks a lot guys! You're the reason I sleep alone! Saving the planet for kids I'll never have! The trenchcoat is absolutely not the problem here.

Anyway, then, I had to charge my phone, and right by my table in the courtyard, there was a functioning power outlet. It wasn't even janky enough to make my charger fall out. It plugged in and worked. I don't know how they get away with it as an establishment that also rents power banks. I saw the waiters loaning their Apple chargers to my friend, too. Unforgivable. How do they expect to drive away customers like this? How do they expect to sell drinks without creating disturbing cognitive dissonance that makes you need to drink to be okay with the world? The mind boggles.

And that brings me to my final complaint. The ambience. Quiet patrons, not too crowded but not empty, at least one person I recognized and said hello to, nice little courtyard... I found it quite pleasant. And that's the problem. As a very unpleasant person with no sense of aesthetics or how to run a business, this establishment left me feeling very inadequate. I go to bars to feel superior to the owners, the patrons, the designers, the open mic comedians, the artists on the wall, etc. Zarah is a little zoo of freelancer circus freaks posing with fancy illegal dogs ("my purebred husky was a rescue and he doesn't bite do you like sriracha" etc). Paddy's is an izakaya for the laowai salarymen who want to feel like they own big TV's and could be athletes once they start working out tomorrow they swear. Luga's is its own punchline. The Great Outdoors, you know what you did, I won't say it in a public space. I go home after a few hours of that feeling like the king of the world. Here, I did not feel that. I felt surrounded by people who know what they're doing, and aren't attempting to prove anything. There was nothing to laugh at. I left reminded that I'm a meat shell winding down my mortal coil, and that I'll never be as cool as the people who run this place. I'll be back, but only to prove that I'm good enough to become a regular. They will know me and teach me their competence. And then I will matter...somehow.

I'm giving 5 stars. Ironically, but also sincerely. I also hate myself.