8 Escapist Airbnbs That Will Make You Question All of Your China Life Choices
Booking an Airbnb instead of a hotel room is a great way to get to know a new city on an intimate level, and live like a local. It's also a great way to get a crushing dose of reality when you realize just how well other people live. Why did you do a Bachelor of Arts? Whyyyyyyy?
Whether you're looking for a spot of escapism or that last nudge to finally enroll in an MBA program and earn some decent money for once in your life and get your dad off your back, checking into one of these luxe Airbnb rentals is still cheaper than a life coach.
Hutong Homie
See your dreams of luxurious hutong living made manifest with this central Beijing rental, but without the cracked plumbing, dodgy electricity, and professional-grade interfering neighbors. Then go back to all of those things, and take a long, hard look at your bank account balance.
High Wall, High Hopes
The minimalist design and floor-and-ceiling windows mean that there is nothing about this beautiful Airbnb near the Great Wall to distract you from the fact that you could have afforded to buy it yourself if only you'd invested in Bitcoin back in 2010, or built a scent-map app for dogs like your Aunt Brenda suggested. You've got to be hungry. HUNGRY!
Ballin' Beijing
This central Beijing Airbnb overlooking the CBD has a ball-pit overlooking the sweeping city views, instead of a luxurious bath. Why? We can only assume the owners are so rich that they have 14 other view-overlooking bathtubs elsewhere. But you won't get to use them, and that's just fine because let's face it, with the life choices you've made you don't deserve the bath. Yet.
Astral Projection Won't Save You
"Beam me up, Scotty!" You'll want to cry when you check into this luxurious Beijing mansion. "As far away from this planet and my student loans as you can!" you'll add, as you lie beneath the bizarre bed canopy, hoping for the extraterrestrial intervention into your sad, Earth-bound life that will never, ever come. So what's the solution? Be your own alien intervention. #thinkaboutit
Is It Still Considered Shanghai'd When You Were the One Calling the Shots?
You know that scratchy nub of resentment you feel about having chosen to live in Beijing instead of in other, more temperate climes? Book yourself into this Airbnb, and you can loom over the Shanghai skyline while nursing that resentment, until it grows many thin, lustrous outer layers and glows balefully in the moonlike, just like the moniker of the Pearl of the Orient itself. Productive!
Goodbye Forever, Pleather
If only you'd apply yourself a little bit, you too could be the kind of person who would own and decorate a handsome home such as this one. Well, you'd probably still have to phone some in help because you've never actually been exposed to such cultivation, but that's the joy of being super rich: you can outsource literally anything, even your own personal preferences! How inspiring.
Chengdon't
As a former teenage girl, I feel qualified to state that no sane human should ever seek to return to that stage of life. Should you make the mistake of booking this horrifying pastel upchuck of a Chengdu apartment, you can always go into the empty telephone booth to do your screaming. On the other hand, it might be the shock you need to turn your life around. Earn more money so there is less of it to go around to the kinds of people who designed this apartment. It's for the common good.
Abandon Ship?
But don't though. Once you've cycled through this list of staycation rentals, we think you'll have enough motivation to turn that life-ship around! We believe in you, fam. Then you can get down to the Shanghai marina, book this entire boat, and toast to all the poor sods you left behind. Now that's real living!
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Email: annahartley@truerun.com
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Photos: Airbnb
