5 Beijing Shared Cycles Riders You Want to Kill

Living in a crowded megacity with 21 million people can be exhausting. Shared bicycles provide many benefits, but some users have developed tendencies that will test your temper and your reflexes, as you try to keep your eyes on the road and your face off the asphalt.

The Small Bell Ringer
The moment they hop on the bikes, their second personality emerges – like an avid air-guitarist, but instead ringing a tiny bell ALL THE TIME. Yes, they run it with a flick of the thumb every few seconds, whether there are any riders in front of them or not. Maybe they feel this is a way to express their daily pent-up frustrations, perfectly represented by the safety feature's crisp, shrill and sad sound. Maybe they are trying to communicate that they are deaf. Maybe they've spent so much money on their preferred bike-sharing app that they now can’t afford an iPod, and must now make their own sweet, sweet music for the ride.

The Sidewalk Bully
Tired of losing the battle on the road, they set their eyes on a less-competitive battlefield – the sidewalk. This untouched and relatively unpopulated virgin land is perfect for them to find the self-esteem they have lost in the merciless and dog-eat-dog streets of Beijing. Yes, here they can finally be the big bully, running rampant over the elderly and the young alike, racing with speed-walking housewives, ringing their bells at the disabled and fearlessly swerving in front of other riders. Yes, you are king here, and we think you should find a therapist.

The Slowpoke
Their living principle is to be conservative – always walk on the sidewalk, chew each bite more than 20 times, drink in moderation or, better yet, not at all, never touch sweets or treats from hutong food carts ... you get it. You can never expect these types to go faster than 2 km per hour; The stimulation of such extreme speed will overwhelm them. Urge them to hurry up? No way! Their inner peace doesn’t allow them to become upset at the annoying, short-tempered millennials because they aim to live for more than 100 years. If "slow and steady wins the race," these contestants dropped out the race completely long ago.

The Social Butterfly
We get the need to socialize with your friends, but could you please not block the whole bike lane? Other people might be in a hurry; they could be dealing with a work emergency, or even a real emergency! You pay no mind, and you and your friends laugh, talk and even sing together. There’s no better place to imitate the classic scenes of Friends and take selfies than while careening down a traffic-packed road with your besties! How about this: park your bikes on the sidewalk and start a solo concert surrounded by your friends or fans, instead of while blocking the whole road like a motorcade escorting some unseen Head of State to who-knows-where.

READ: The 5 People You Meet on the Beijing Metro

Smartphone Addict
Kids these days are taught from a young age to not "text and drive", but we all make exceptions. Emergencies arise, and we sometimes must deal with some urgent messages on the road. If they don’t reply immediately, their company will lose it all on the stock market, or some poor innocent village will be targeted by a missile. Oh ... you're watching a Korean soap opera?  During your ride? Mate, get a life. They pay so much attention to their phone that they ignore every written or unwritten law of the road (including, obviously, "don't text and drive.") Traffic signals, cars and pedestrians don't hold a candle to their precious Korean oppa (Prince Charming). Wake up, set your sights back on the road before you get yourself (or others) killed.   

In fact, there are more than five types of abusers, such as the idealists who fail to find the perfect bike and just keep scanning, or the slackers who throw their bike on top of the pile like an old used-up chicken wing in a trash can instead of parking properly. But don't let these types keep you down (and please, please don't become one of them) and enjoy your ride on this cool summer day.

More stories by this author here.

Email: tracywang@thebeijinger.com
Twitter: @flyingfigure
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Photos: AP, Urban Cycling, Sina