Well, I am not a kid, by convential standards, niether a comedian, by convential standards. Nonetheless, I can let you into a lucky trick, I have used twice, once in a bumfunk town in Henan, once in Jiangsu,
When you, as a laowai, appear at such low rent hotel, and request admission, after you have already paid cash on Ctrip, and all your papers and visas, resident permits, etc., are in order, and up to date, yet they refuse you admiision, telling you that they cannot admit foreigners, just tell them that then you are going to go outside to sleep on the sidewalk in front of their door. Worked twice for me, not joking.