China Unveils New OL Visa Category

China has announced the launch of a new visa category exclusively for social media influencers: the OL (Obnoxious Livestreamer) visa.

Unveiled on Apr 1, this revolutionary visa program aims to attract crass, self-promoting loudmouths from around the world with an irresistible combination of perks and privileges, as long as they promise to deliver over-the-top viral shorts of China's charms.

Applicants must have a minimum of 1 million social media followers across platforms like TikTok, Instagram, or YouTube. 

Those granted the visa will receive complimentary translators and will be accompanied by a roving band of fluffers who will clap enthusiastically and guffaw with gusto on command. 

Once in China, OL visa holders are required to fulfill certain criteria to retain their status:

— Film over-the-top reactions to eating Stinky Tofu, Durian Pizza and Hundred-Year-Old Eggs.

— Declare the Liangma River the most spectacular water feature they have seen since their visit to the canals of Venice.

— Caterwaul "The Moon Represents My Heart" (月亮代表我的心) at a local karaoke.

— Gasp in amazement when being told the impressive building they are looking at was the Imperial Fertilizer Shed used by the 9th Emperor of the Yuan dynasty Ma Feiliao (1314-1319) and is made from 14,432 wooden beams held together with rice flour and saliva, burned down twice during the 1315-1316 Great Drought but was quickly reconstructed, and covers 9,999 square meters and holds 121,631 cubic meters of manure.

— Fitness influencers must rise at 5am to be outperformed by an 80-year-old on the pull-up bars at Ritan Park.

Points will be awarded for each melodramatic yelp, every high-decibel squeal of joy, and all slack-jawed gasps.

"We hope the OL visa will showcase China's rich culture in a way that's not subtle at all," said a spokesperson for the Ministry of Viral Engagement. "Authenticity? Depth? Who needs that when you have countless three-second reels of someone howling like a banshee with satisfaction when they see a cutting-edge Chinese-made EV console?"

Since the announcement, global influencers have already started flooding the visa application website, posting videos with captions like, "I MUST mukbang Peking Duck!" and "The Great Wall needs my chainsaw-juggling content!"

But not everyone is thrilled. Residents of Beijing's hutongs are concerned about a new wave of OLs shrieking "OMG!" while poking their mobile phone cameras into every waking moment of their lives.

"Do I really need more people twerking in front of my local mantou place yelling something about 'hey how about THESE buns?'" said one resident. "Enough already."

Whether the OL visa is a hilarious marketing stunt or a glimpse into the future of tourism remains to be seen. But one thing's for sure – it's Apr 1 and stranger things have happened on this date in the past.

READ: All the Fun From the Final Day of Sauasge Fest 2.0

Images: the Beijingers, Pexels, Flickr, Canva