How to Get Your Didi Dache/Uber Driver to Shut Up

Increasingly, Didi Dache Kuaiche and Uber drivers just want to chat. While this approach is a lot friendlier than the usual Beijing cabbie grunt (if that), and while it might be fine for a 10-minute ride on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, that’s not the way I want to spend my morning traffic jam when I’m already late for work and still trying to catch up on sleep. That is why I’ve started experimenting with getting them to shut up. Below are some of my tried and tested methods.

RELATED: The Ultimate Uber and Didi Dache Taxi-Off

Disclaimer: I realize that I sound like a grumpy grandmother, but after having spent an hour-long traffic jam discussing whether or not Dutch children wear more winter clothes than Chinese children and having drivers repeatedly ask for my WeChat details, I have just about had it.

Pretend not to speak any Chinese
This is a tough one, because surely you’ve had to explain to the driver where to come and pick you up. However, you can always just pretend that that wasn’t you, and mumble something along the lines of tingbudong. Even using some English words will generally put them off trying to talk to you.

Do not sit in the front
While it is Beijing tradition, sitting in the front is basically inviting conversation. You might as well be wearing a sign that reads “hey! I am not a customer I am just here to keep you company.” Don’t do it. Sitting in the back creates distance and also makes it a much more comfortable and quiet ride.

Plug in your headphones
Plugging in your headphones might work. If it doesn’t seem like it at first, it is vital that you persevere. Even though you might hear the driver shooting off all sorts of questions about whether you’re working or studying, American or Russian, don’t unplug and start talking.

Pretend to read a book
Or actually read a book. If you don’t get carsick, that is, bringing a book on your ride isn’t a terrible idea especially as you’re likely to get stuck in a traffic jam regardless of the time of day (traffic jam at Dongzhimen at 3am, of course!). As long as it isn’t a Chinese book, it should be clear enough that you don’t want to talk.

Just roll with it
Sometimes it’s fun to just roll with it. Make up an alter ego – my favorite nationality to claim when I can’t be bothered to talk about the football, marijuana legalization, and tulips again, is Iceland. Beijing’s drivers know very little about Iceland, and they will leave you alone as they try to think about where Iceland might be. Alternatively, "Yes, I am the ambassador to *insert country* at 25 years old,” is a fun game.

More stories by this author here.
Email: margauxschreurs@truerun.com
Instagram: s.xuagram

Photo: Flickr

Comments

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At least one driver drives specifically to talk to people. There are some lonely people in this country:

For China’s upper middle class, driving for Uber is a cure for loneliness

“Whenever some Chinese person starts lecturing me about "Chinese culture" - lies told to themselves and others by themselves and others - I know I am listening to an idiot, taking crap about a subject that doesn't exist.

Why on Earth would a Chinese person be reading the Beijinger anyway?

But when a Chinese person starts lecturing me about the English language and its appropriateness, I know I am listening to a satirist.”

嗯,看你所写就知道,哥们儿你一定来自外太空。哥们儿,地球太危险,您老还是回火星去吧!!!

good luck anywhere and anytime

Whenever some Chinese person starts lecturing me about "Chinese culture" - lies told to themselves and others by themselves and others - I know I am listening to an idiot, taking crap about a subject that doesn't exist.

Why on Earth would a Chinese person be reading the Beijinger anyway?

But when a Chinese person starts lecturing me about the English language and its appropriateness, I know I am listening to a satirist.

I suggest you look at the body of Margaux Schreurs' work for the Beijinger before jumping to a conclusion. Neither she nor her writing is mean-spirited and shouldn't be interpreted as such; in fact Margaux is our leading writer on social issues and does an excellent job at it. This article is more satirical than instructive, and should be read in that manner. 

We write a lot about transport and traffic in Beijing, and the reality is that Beijing's taxi drivers (although not as much drivers from services such as Uber) reflect poorly on the city. No doubt that we could always take another means of transportation, but taxis, when they actually deign to pick up passengers, can be an efficient and inexpensive means of getting around, even if the level of service is barely basic.

If you enjoy engaging with taxi drivers, please feel free to do so. However, not every passenger enjoys the forced intimacy that being in a taxi creates, and I'm sure the drivers themselves have times when they would prefer to listen to the radio or just the hum of the engine. Give our writer a break, if you were a driver you would be delighted to have such a kind person as your passenger.

You respect Chinese culture? "Shut up" is not respectful and considered a bad word by the way...

"Be quiet" is the word you would politely like to use... Talk about respect.

You seem very anti-social and grumpy. I'm sure most people can agree with this. How can they even let you even post this?

Phil*dirol*

I do respect the Chinese culture, it's quite a jump from this article to accuse me of not respecting the culture. None of this article says that you've got to be rude, I just don't need to spend every ride in a car talking about stuff. I'd much rather get in and have a quiet ride.

The same goes for drivers in any country.

the Beijinger

Have to clarify i am not judging what you said here just personally the drivers(of course most of drivers) like to have a small talk with people whatever you are foreigners or the local people they just try to make you feel you are not very stranger here or they just want to be more friendly actually this is chinese traditional ways to show themsevlves. In fact they really don't know you more they just chat.Truly sometimes they probably chat to much and that might happens when you are not on that mood so if you do not want to chat with them you just say it and they will leave you alone do not have to think about how to make them shut up you really waste your brain cell by this way.

Besides you can imagine one day you get in a car and the drivier never talk to you then how you will feel ? you really feel queit?feel happy? I do not think so. One proint is you guys come to China and you should learn to respect the culture which you could not agree with or you could not accept it but it is,respecting the culture of one country that means you have a good manner whatever you are from the developed countries or developing countries.

good luck anywhere and anytime