Homesick or Lonely?: How to Cope With Life Abroad in Beijing

Writing up a survey conducted about whether young Chinese people feel a sense of home or belonging in Beijing made me think about my very early, but short, encounter with Beijing in 2008 and living abroad alone. If I’m being perfectly honest, even with my fourth year in Beijing creeping up on me, it sometimes still feels like I don’t really belong in Beijing.

Having moved around a lot throughout my life from a young age, feelings of homesickness and distance aren’t unfamiliar to my family. Even though I see my parents relatively often, I still can never say bye to my mom at the airport without the full waterworks. Thankfully pangs of homesickness have become more manageable as I’ve grown up, and strike less often and less intensely.

The Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics defines homesickness as "distress and functional impairment caused by an actual or anticipated separation from home and attachment objects such as parents." Homesickness can strike at any age and symptoms include anxiety, sadness, nervousness, and excessive thinking about home. However, homesickness isn’t just about home, it stems from the need for a routine, protection, and security, something which can sometimes feel like is missing in Beijing, where connection to society seems minimal.

READ: Airing Your Problems: Addressing the Mental Health Effects of Pollution

Building up a new life can be tough. If you’re currently feeling like you’re not sure what you’re doing in Beijing, or you’re having trouble connecting with the city, or even if you’ve just arrived, these are some coping strategies and methods to get into the swing of life here, or get through the rough patches.

Make New Friends
Making new friends can be tough but is really necessary. If you’re not sure where to find them, try a hobby, volunteering your time at a local charity or NGO, or attending an event you wouldn’t otherwise attend. The upside of Beijing presenting as such a foreign environment is that people are generally more open to making new friends. We’re all in the same boat, after all. But don’t put pressure on yourself to get out there too quickly, it’s normal to feel a little shy in a new environment, a new culture, and interacting in what possibly isn’t even your native tongue.

People really are what make the city, and when you’re far away, your friends become like your family. Don’t be scared to reach out to someone you’ve just met.

Work on Being Alone  
It’s a challenge, but it’s a great life skill to have especially if you’re hoping to travel more or live abroad for a longer period of time. Learn to be alone, and enjoy being alone. Go jogging, pick up yoga, read books about China, read fiction or learn to play a musical instrument. A positive attitude during this also goes a long way.

Have a Routine
Having a solid routine can be key to feeling a little more stable in life. Make sure you’re going to bed and getting up at the same time on a daily basis (lying in bed all day isn’t going to help anyone), and plan your work outs and other regular activities at the same every week, too. This is especially important if you work from home. To learn more about creating a routine, see here and here.

Plan Things to Look Forward to
Take advantage of new opportunities to book a holiday somewhere you wouldn’t have gone to had you not been living in Beijing. If you’re new to Asia, the possibilities really are endless, and booking something to count down to might give you that motivation you need to get through the day.

However, you won’t always have the time off or the money to go far away and for long, so even just a weekend trip will make a difference (for which we have plenty of recommendations here and here).

Treat Yourself
My favorite piece of advice, as any of my friends can tell you, is to treat yourself. When I was going through a tough time while studying for my final exams and going through a break up, the little things were what mattered. Get that massage regardless of the fact that it is on the pricier side, buy those new shoes, treat yourself to that staycation. It might sound cheesy, but you are worth it.

Pimp Your Living Space
Adding reminders of home throughout your room or flat can help make you feel more at home. Alternatively, getting some plants, candles, or other decorations can help make your new (or old) place feel more cozy. We recommend Ikea or the internet (Taobao or JD, some Chinese language skills are required) for this.

If you’re really struggling, it might be time to get professional help. International hospitals like Beijing United Family, Oasis International Hospital, International SOS Clinic, and Raffles Medical have English-language counseling. 

More stories by this author here.

Email: margauxschreurs@truerun.com
Instagram: s.xuagram

Photo: bayanmall.org