Before the 80s, fast food in China probably meant a particularly nimble, wily chicken. Times have changed, though it’s fair to say that beef (burgers or otherwise) is generally less favored than the aforementioned fowl. Out of today’s two fast food restaurants, only Burger King is a household name, though here in Beijing both are almost equally unrepresented, with four (I think) BKs and two Fatburgers. But which burger is better? Let’s find out...

In the red corner: Double Fatburger (w/cheese), Fatburger. RMB 65 (85 for meal deal)

The brief. Look at that greasy beef glisten, like a meaty disco ball. Appropriate with A-Ha’s Take On Me playing as I order. Unusually for a fast food burger it really does look like its promotional photo. Good job. And it’s bound in paper too, giving it bonus points for mom n pop kitsch.

The bite. Your teeth sink into this baby. In fact, it’s so soft and yielding a baby could probably eat it (note – this is not recommended). The fluffy bread, the wilted lettuce, the squidgy, succulent beef, it could do with a bit of texture – a different or more crisply toasted bun, some crunchier fixings? It’s a nostalgic flavor profile, well-balanced and fast-food-y.

The beef. I ordered a double because, greed aside, the only other burger I’ve tried here was a single, and the patty was a bit overwhelmed by the bread and bits. Double is definitely better, and the meat – Australian, ground daily - wins out. Cooked well done but literally oozing juices.

The bits. On the advice of eaters on www.thebeijinger.com, I ordered it without mayo. I can’t see what more sauce would have done to help, apart from push up the calories.

Harmonious society. Well put together, tightly wrapped up in paper. A bit of greasy run-off from those shiny patties.

Fries? Steak cut fries are pretty darn good, non-greasy, unsalted (add it yourself) and a generous portion.

Next…

In the blue corner: Whopper (w/cheese), Burger King. RMB 22 (33 for meal deal)

The brief. Oh dear. I get the impression the burger chef doesn’t take pride in his work. It’s a mess of wayward iceberg lettuce.

The bite. It’s all here – beef, cheese, gherkins, tomato, onions. If you’ve noshed a Whopper before there’s nothing new to report. If you haven’t, it tastes more like a “real” burger than McDonald’s, with salad fixings playing a bigger role, sliced to regular proportions.

The beef. It’s been a few years since I’ve eaten a Whopper, but that smoky beefiness is unmistakable. Where the hell does it come from? The patty looks grey and lifeless, like it’s never seen a flame in its short, industrial life. Some kind of lab wizardry, maybe?

The bits. Like the Fatburger I asked for no mayo. Interestingly, the onions taste like they’ve been partly boiled or steamed, which takes the raw edge off them and sweetens them up. Nice touch. Everything else is pretty standard - and way too much messy lettuce.

Harmonious society. There wasn’t a lot of harmony to start with. Bun a bit soggy underneath from being wrapped up in paper so soon.

Fries? Inedible. Chewy, barely warm. Strange meaty flavor. The culinary equivalent of rubbing up against an elderly stranger by accident in a public swimming pool. Eww.

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I learned a few things today. No. 1, carrying your own knife into fast food restaurants draws looks of concern from other diners. No. 2, Fatburger is really popular – it’s packed. No. 3, both places have free Wi-Fi. I dined in the original Fatburger beside the U.S. Embassy, and the Burger King in Shin Kong Place on Dawang Lu.

Choosing a winner puts this eater in a bit of a quandary, because, whilst Fatburger is undoubtedly a better burger, it’s considerably more expensive for what is essentially the same experience: fast food on a tray. And some people I’m sure will prefer the chunkier texture and smoky familiarity of the Whopper. Not me; McDonald’s, BK, KFC – they’re too inconsistent to waste time with. At least with Fatburger you can rely on the fries being piping hot and the burger cooked fresh to order and assembled carefully with better ingredients. But is that worth paying nearly three times the price? Up to y'all, I guess.

Verdict: Fatburger has it where it counts, but get a double

Next time: Shuangjing sluggers – Lilly’s Vs Grinders (almost certainly). In the mean time, feast your eyes on our previous Burger Battles:

Heat 1: The Box Versus Vineyard Cafe
Heat 2: Union Bar & Grille Versus Flamme
Heat 3: First Floor Versus Luga's
Heat 4: Let's Burger Versus Blue Frog
Heat 5: Village Cafe Versus Scarlett
Heat 6: Grandma's Kitchen Versus Paul's Steak & Eggs
Heat 7: Pete's Tex-Mex Versus Big Boss Fish & Chips
Heat 8: Home Plate Versus Hollywood
Heat 9: Kiosk Vs Rumi

* All opinions expressed are those of an Englishman who once went to In-&-Out in LA (he didn’t even know about the secret menu, hah) and now has the gall to write this stuff.