The Lighter Side of China: Olympic Daydreaming

The Lighter Side of China began as a series of blogs written by author Scott Kronick that chronicled the experiences of living in China as an expat. Originally published on theBeijinger.com back in 2012, they have now been compiled into a book of the same name published by ACA Publishing Ltd. and available for sale at The Bookworm and online retailers amazon.cn, dangdang.com and Tmall.com.

To celebrate the publication, we are reposting a selection of Kronick's blogs. In this article, Kronick offers his ruminations upon the Olympic spirit with his family as they both daydream about potenial Olympic sport competitions in China.

“Dad, what sport do you think I could compete at in the Olympics?” my son asked me as we watched Chinese sensation Ye Shiwen win the 400-meter individual medley.

“Whatever you want to,” I responded. “As long as you put your mind to it and are committed, you can do whatever you want to do,” I said. “The Olympics are about human potential and people who work for their lifetimes to reach that potential. It’s about talent and hard work and commitment and will.”

“So what you are saying,” my son said, thoughtfully, “is that if you treat your diet like an Olympic competition, you may just be able to lose that extra weight you have been fighting for a lifetime.” He smiled at me.

“Or even better, you can cheat on your diet and have liposuction done and be looked at like the boxing referee from Turkmenistan who was sent home for cheating,” he added.

“Or you can fast and skip a bunch of meals or vomit after each meal and lose weight. That’s not cheating per se, but it is not right – like what the badminton players did when they threw matches to face easier opponents.”

Before he launched into his next idea, I cut him off. “Son, I get it. My Olympics will be my personal diet competition.”

“Too bad you are not Chinese, dad,” he continued, “since as an Olympic dieter the Chinese authorities would have probably picked you early on for one of those fat camps like they pick all of their Olympians at an early age.”

“Thanks, Samuel. And what will your sport be?”

“Soccer, basketball, volleyball, or maybe athletics,” he said. “If I want to make the Olympics, I think I’d better play for Taiwan (Chinese Taipei) as I will have a better chance of making the team. The competition in the US or China is much too stiff.”

“I want to start shooting, because the oldest athletes in the Olympics are those that shoot,” my wife said. “And if I can’t make the Olympics, at least I will have a skill that will come in handy if you irritate me too much,” she added.

“I'm going to play basketball or volleyball,” offered my daughter.

“You can do anything to you want to do as long as you put your mind to it,” I repeated. “But first you’ll have to get out of the bathroom."

“Kids, you will really have to work hard," my wife chimed in. "The genes you inherited from your father will get you as far as our neighborhood pie-eating contest."

“That’s not fair,” said my daughter. “Dad could win the couch-sitting contest. He is a pro at that.”

Samuel had an idea. “Dad, if there was a competition to tie a knot in a cherry stem like you always do when mom has those fruit drinks, you could do that!”

“Thanks for your confidence,” I responded.

“Seriously, Dad, did you ever want to be in the Olympics?” asked Samuel.

“I certainly did. I was first a swimmer and then played soccer, but I was never really good enough.”

“Was it lack of talent, lack of will or no commitment?” he asked.

“A little of all of those elements, I suppose,” I replied.

“It’s a pity, isn’t it, dad? At least you are really good at something.”

“What is that, son? Being fat on the couch tying knots in cherries?"