I got my Chinese driver's license today, getting a score of 99/100. This article was very helpful for me in getting it. The Laowaidrive app is also excellent. The Laowaidrive people were able to send a book of the test questions and answers which cost 149 RMB, and were also able to translate and notarise my driving license and passport which cost 250 RMB.

All the information in this article is correct, except that after I passed the test I was able to just go down to the desk, pay 10 RMB and I got the license about five minutes later. No need to go back again or have it sent to my home address by courier. Overall a smooth process.

It was a big dissapointment about the food, really cannot understand why is difficult t check the recipe and to make a similar taste (doesn't need to be the same for sure) or toask some person from those countries to help. Gyros with a burger inside?????? Serbian kebab???That was Serbian cevap????? Come on!!!! That wasn't even close to their food,it's a big shame for people who organize this event.

My favourite jazz song is "Fly me to the moon" by Frank Sinatra as it really elevates the expereince of eating moocakes whilst listening to it.

gavbo wrote:

How do you ask for a refund and why does it take 3 weeks?!

Hi, the process is going to be automatic. The new update is that, for Early Bird ticket holders, it will be done automatically within 5 working days. If you have got VIP ticket, then you will be called and asked whether you want a refund or you can wait for the new festival date. 

~~“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” ~~.

How do you ask for a refund and why does it take 3 weeks?!

Hie jeibinger, obviousely me an jAOCMOMW WE HAVEN US A DA HEN KICK DOWN THE LIAOAIO.

so get yer Brijinhinhrter shit togerh man? Who is the fuckin editor? Does he deserve this job more than me?

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

NO NO NO THIS ADVICE IS ALL WRONG!

What you should do is go for a good 10 kilometer jog, as buck naked as is legal. Get all that sunshine all over yer body. Come home and mow the lawn. BIG BIG COMEDY SHOW COMIN UP! I HAVEN'T HAD A SHOWER IN A YEAR! (I employ the George Carlin method, ya only gotta wash face, feet, armpits and general groin and asshole area)

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

Giovanni Martini wrote:

With temperatures already starting to hit 40 degrees Celsius and up, no wonder we’re all looking for indoor entertainment for the kids.(unquote)

Oh, I dunno. I find that having them double-time behind the ol' 三轮车 for five, six kilometers makes the li'l shavers pretty pliable for the rest of the afternoon. Just dump 'em in front the TV till 快递 brings us out bag fulla "White Pagoda: Beijing's 11th Best Burger!" burgers. With marginal dehydration and a gut fulla greasy meat-based patties, they sleep like little fentanyl faeries, they do. Summer for THIS mum is as easy as stackin' cordwood!

We just hadta go out and mow the lawn. Or jus go out an bring in the hay bales. `Hey kid, go out an mow the lawn' (use the toenail clippers ) That should be a new law. SSUNM62

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

I think I have the `hopping on the right foot disease' I've been hopping on my right foot now and can't seem to stop. Maybe someone has an injecttion to help me. HELP , kuai!

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

`Wealth is the strength of your relationships in your community' I just heard that on the internet. Is it true?*aggressive*

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

Look we need to have a serious discussion here about chopsticks, aka 快子 哎呀 . 筷子, Now when first I here voyaged, after 3 days of not sleeping, and pacing meaninglessly in Dulles Airport, then lo and behold I made my meagre way, Suihua, Heilongjiang. Thereupon, at roughly 6:30 am I was treated to my first meal (not in an airport) in China.

Food was placed in front of my wondering sleepless eyes, thereupon two little wooden sticks were given to me. I perceived, by the actions of others, that these wooden sticks were to be employed to convey the food on the plate into their respective mouths. Now being a foreigner and a guest in the country i attempted to replicate these functions.

However my hand would go into spasms and cramp up when this was attempted.

Much water has spewed under the bridge since then, and I can now employ these sticks meaningfully. Indeed, I am so adept that I can have two in my left hand, two in my right hand, and gobble down a pizza, meishi.

The real problem only evolved when I attempted to up my skills: two chopsticks in left hand, two chopsticks in right hand, and two protuding from my mouth. Now my mouth is rather adept, as many girlfriends will attest, Nonetheless, here is the rub.

I could adequately grasp and maniputate the food with the chopsticks protruding from my mouth, the question is...... where to put the food thus grasped??

The obvious answer at the time was drop them down my shorts. Yet this caused but another mishap, in that the resulting bulge in my shorts caused by a half kilo of shrimp down me pants caused me to be accussed of public incontinense and refusing to wear my diaper.

So the hazards of chopsticks are manifold.

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

`So I Don't Hafta Leave Today, But I Gotsa Leave Tomarro' ..... is this a Bob Dylan song or a text message from the front desk? I fear it is the latter.

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

BauLuo wrote:
Giovanni Martini wrote:
BauLuo wrote:

ANNOUNCMET , ANNOUCEMT, BIG FUCKING ANNOUNCEMT BA

Me and Jiacomo the slav Italian, is doin standup, and fall down comedy all over Beijing this comeing entire week from July 7 to July 10. There maybe pratfalls, there maybe allussions unrecognizable to anyone. Someone may get kicked in the shins. Coming soon to your street corner, so get on yer phone quick to the jingchao. ba. He don't like bein funny for money, .... me it don't mind. Neither of us are Jewish. (as far as I know) We have no agents. Get yer tickets fast befro they sell out. Hoppity hop.

Actually my sister found a great-grandparent named Zalman grafted into the family tree. Which, under Talmudic law, makes my family "mamzer" (bastards.) Even the Nuremberg laws cut more slack than that.

Actually me Grandpa said he was a grandson of a Jewish refugee from the Russian poogroms named Nicolas Nicolavski. On the one hand he was as full of the blarney as I am, on the other hand the way he slaughtered chickens was entirely kosher. no broken bones., hang the chicken upside down on the fences, take a sharp, very pointy knife, stick knife into craw and down throat, incise inner side of throat,
aiya... look ya got jesus ya got moses, ya gat lao zi ya got kong zi, pick yer funckin poison, i just wanna raise some goats and grow vegetable, an everyone please funking leave me alone. ai ya. BUT DONT FORGET THE BIG COMMEDY SHOW COMMIN DOWN,

ME an Jiaocomo comin down to lay us down some vibes, Buy you tickets quickly, they're gpoin fast . Price is only 0 yuan, but they're goin fast. Lickitysplit, hoppitty hop ba!

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

Giovanni Martini wrote:
BauLuo wrote:

ANNOUNCMET , ANNOUCEMT, BIG FUCKING ANNOUNCEMT BA

Me and Jiacomo the slav Italian, is doin standup, and fall down comedy all over Beijing this comeing entire week from July 7 to July 10. There maybe pratfalls, there maybe allussions unrecognizable to anyone. Someone may get kicked in the shins. Coming soon to your street corner, so get on yer phone quick to the jingchao. ba. He don't like bein funny for money, .... me it don't mind. Neither of us are Jewish. (as far as I know) We have no agents. Get yer tickets fast befro they sell out. Hoppity hop.

Actually my sister found a great-grandparent named Zalman grafted into the family tree. Which, under Talmudic law, makes my family "mamzer" (bastards.) Even the Nuremberg laws cut more slack than that.

Actually me Grandpa said he was a grandson of a Jewish refugee from the Russian poogroms named Nicolas Nicolavski. On the one hand he was as full of the blarney as I am, on the other hand the way he slaughtered chickens was entirely kosher. no broken bones., hang the chicken upside down on the fences, take a sharp, very pointy knife, stick knife into craw and down throat, incise inner side of throat,

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

also, can you please figure out hot to make a hot, spicy, salty salad dressing? This sweet shit like French drenching really sucks. I am much more Italian.

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

ANNOUNCMET , ANNOUCEMT, BIG FUCKING ANNOUNCEMT BA

Me and Jiacomo the slav Italian, is doin standup, and fall down comedy all over Beijing this comeing entire week from July 7 to July 10. There maybe pratfalls, there maybe allussions unrecognizable to anyone. Someone may get kicked in the shins. Coming soon to your street corner, so get on yer phone quick to the jingchao. ba. He don't like bein funny for money, .... me it don't mind. Neither of us are Jewish. (as far as I know) We have no agents. Get yer tickets fast befro they sell out. Hoppity hop.

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

BauLuo wrote:
Giovanni Martini wrote:

thing bout reparations that is odd is nobody speaks about the northern reparations. Qing dynasty China had all the way to up to the mountains in Russia and the port city of Vladivostok. Buncha treaties in the 1860s took all that away. unequal treaties? i don know what that means. Ya win, ya lose. That's how things go.

BauLuo wrote:
ya but how do ya dicker with the thumb pressed on the weight scale? I actually own a scale. Smacked it down when girl told me i had bought a kilo of walnuts, I lifted the bag, said no fucking way this is a kilo, slapped down me scale, it was 530 grams. She never fucked with me after that.

Howcumizzit, that when I go buy a buncha veggies it costs me 20 kuai, when a zhongguoren it costs then 10 kuai? I tried this experiment, maybe 3 years into living in China. I bought a basic bunch of stuff, maybe it was 2 tomatoes, a cucumber, maybe an onion. I showed this melange to a girl friend. A girl friend, not a girlfriend. She went and bought the same stuff. She paid 10 kuai, I paid 20 kuai. Can someone explain this?

You need to get in there and dicker. Dicker long and hard and dicker the thicker, like you was John Holmes OD'ed on Viagara.

Either that or it's because you're a round-eye lao wai. Didn't you hear? You owe reparations. Which is what you get to call resentment when you got a PhD. Mark it well with a big ol' M (as in Marcuse, who cooked up a lot of today's stew.)

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

Giovanni Martini wrote:

"The Jing" sounds smutty. Like a Paris streetwalker's lingo. "You make the jing-jing with Fifi, yes?" Try "The Bei." One envisions clipper ships gliding into a placid harbor, with Joe Conrad wiping his brogans after an ill-timed turn round the poop deck. "Lord Jim! Can't ye straddle the rail like a civilized swabbie?"

I used to jing regularly with Betty Lou down in Alabama. Only cost me 10 bucks and doctors fees.

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

Giovanni Martini wrote:
BauLuo wrote:
ya but how do ya dicker with the thumb pressed on the weight scale? I actually own a scale. Smacked it down when girl told me i had bought a kilo of walnuts, I lifted the bag, said no fucking way this is a kilo, slapped down me scale, it was 530 grams. She never fucked with me after that.

Howcumizzit, that when I go buy a buncha veggies it costs me 20 kuai, when a zhongguoren it costs then 10 kuai? I tried this experiment, maybe 3 years into living in China. I bought a basic bunch of stuff, maybe it was 2 tomatoes, a cucumber, maybe an onion. I showed this melange to a girl friend. A girl friend, not a girlfriend. She went and bought the same stuff. She paid 10 kuai, I paid 20 kuai. Can someone explain this?

You need to get in there and dicker. Dicker long and hard and dicker the thicker, like you was John Holmes OD'ed on Viagara.

Either that or it's because you're a round-eye lao wai. Didn't you hear? You owe reparations. Which is what you get to call resentment when you got a PhD. Mark it well with a big ol' M (as in Marcuse, who cooked up a lot of today's stew.)

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.

the problem with translation APPs is that i tend to say half my words in English and half my words in Chinese. so it doesn't know if i am speaking Chinese, thus to translate to English, or if i am speaking English, thus to translate to Chinese

I am Doktor Aethelwise Snapdragoon.