Off the Wall: It's Time To Play Squash

Squash is best known as something business types do in their lunch hour. That’s not entirely inaccurate, but it doesn’t do justice to a sport whose speed provides such a fantastic workout for both brain and brawn. When we asked the Beijing Expat Squash League a few questions, the answers came back rapid-fire from all directions …

Who plays squash?
There’s an old saying: “You don’t play squash to get fit; rather, you have to be fit to play squash.” But in reality, you can do whatever the hell you like. As long as you can stand and swing your arms about and are, let’s say, human.

What if we’ve never played before?
We’ve had many beginners come along, just wanting to try it, and of course all the other members pitch in to try to get them up to standard. But that’s not to say don’t come along if you’re excellent. We want all the competition we can get.

Do we need to own our own squash gear?
Not really. We have a few dedicated members who always bring along a few racquets. Sports shoes would be a good idea, though. Playing in business shoes is much more slippery than you’d imagine.

Isn’t squash just Wall Street bankers on lunch break cutting big deals?
Haha, that’s exactly what it is. In fact, no one really knows how to play at all. But seriously, Rio Tinto is on the rise (wink, wink).

Why is squash better than the other racquet sports?
Squash is strategic – place the ball where your opponent is not. Unlike tennis, your skill in squash is not necessarily measured by how hard you can hit. Our game obviously relies on the ability to make cutthroat deals with the Wall Street bankers.

Squash is better because it’s simply more fun to play, you increase your fitness more quickly and, as it’s easier to reach a reasonably good level, it increases anyone’s self-confidence.

What’s the difference between squash and racquetball?
Racquetball has bigger balls but shorter handles, and we have longer handles but smaller balls, but ultimately we’re the same on the court. It’s a tricky one, ladies – choose carefully.

What would you like to squash?
Old people. Really old people that can’t drive – the kind that thinks that because they have 60 years of “experience” they know better, despite the fact they can’t technically see.

Doubles squash is ...
Great fun! Technically the court is meant to be a little wider, but you can do it on a normal court. Eye protection for this one is really recommended!

If you had to rename the sport after another vegetable, which would it be?
Bulbous turnip. (“Hello, good chap, care for a game of bulbous turnip?” “Why, don’t mind if I do...”)

The Expat Squash League plays on Thursdays and Sundays. To join, email williamfrisby@yahoo.co.uk.

Click here to see the April issue of the Beijinger in full.

Photo:Sportzuiver.nl