11 Horribly Lonely Things to Do for Singles' Day

The 11th day of the 11th month is known as Singles Day in China. Likely due to all of the 1s in the date. Yeah! It's time to celebrate being single. Or being alone. Below, we look at some of the loneliest activities available to us. They are thoroughly depressing.

Ride a tandem bike at Houhai. In the cold. BY YOURSELF.

Get on the bus and save the EMPTY SEAT NEXT TO YOU. Never give it up.

Go out for hot pot and be sure to get the separated pot so you can enjoy both flavors. IN SOLITUDE.

Got to Dada’s Monday movie night. There won't be any dancing, so the chances of picking up a date are nil. You can attempt to dance while the movie’s playing. ALONE.

Go look at the cute animals in the pet store. But don’t get one ‘cause AN ANIMAL IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR MEANINGFUL HUMAN INTERACTION.

Spend hours making some delicious dumplings and eat them all. YOURSELF.

Go to open mic and show off your talent, but DON’T EXPECT FLOWERS.

Go to the sperm bank ‘cause they need you and you’re NOT GETTIN’ ANY TONIGHT.

Go to the new IKEA and sleep on a king-sized bed with NOBODY TO CUDDLE.

Browse the Beijinger Classifieds for someone to exploit because you’re a LOSER AND SINGLE.

Gaze at tonight's half moon and know that YOUR OTHER HALF IS MISSING.

Don’t like this advice? There are some great Singles' Night events going on in Beijing this year! Here they are listed below and check out or events section for more great parties and happenings around town:

• Singles' Night 11.11
• Singles' Day With Artbug
• Single Day, Super Night
• Singles' Day: Party Into Night

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE: Are These the Worst Mooncakes Ever?

Email: nickrichards@thebeijinger.com
Weibo: @NickRichards尼克
Twitter: @nik_richards
More stories by this author here.

Photos: wallpapers-sky.com, footage.shutterstock.com, ctvnews.ca, comedyoflife.com, shockmansion.com, jokeroo.com, blogspot.com, funnyjunk.com, eatingistheway.com, blog.al.com, tour-beijing.com, redbubble.com