I Love Chowhound, the Food Festival, Doesn't Love You

As a self-professed foodie, I couldn't let the day pass without going to the I Love Chowhound food festival, taking place from today until August 28 at the National Agricultural Exhibition Centre. Beijing is the festival's first stop, before the teams make their way to Chengdu, Shanghai, and Guangzhou.

Claiming that they would provide tastings of more than 1,000 different foods, including healthy salads, steak, sandwiches, burgers, paella, lobster, pies, egg tarts, ice creams, beers, cocktails ... you name it, the RMB 128 (RMB 98 online) entry price just about seemed reasonable. In reality, this fee literally just gets you in and gives you unfettered access to monumental queues. That is, once you get past the first one to buy tickets.

To give the impression of civility, I showed up at 10.50am, 20 minutes right after the event had opened. I also somewhat hoped that that the entrance would be clear. Instead I was met with at least 200 other people waiting at the counter to exchange their digital tickets for paper tickets. I was wrong  entirely.

After 15 minutes, I got my ticket, waving it with ecstacy at the thought of leaving this queuing disaster behind me. Again, reality struck: this was just the start. I then queued for the security check, then to get my paper ticket swapped for a bracelet. 

Walking in, I felt like we'd entered Disneyland, except Mickey Mouse had died and all the rides had shut down. With tears in my eyes and thoughts of Minnie's pain, I walked around to browse the 100 vendors, many of which are actually just small online shops. The first counter I saw with a manageable line was Baidu Waimai, which had pre-dished samples. Yum ...

Now that I'm fed (up), here’s how the festival works: You queue up (duhh), scan the vendor's QR code, follow their wechat, send a picture on you moments, then receive the sample, which is smaller than one kuai coin, literally. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. If you want a normal people's portion of food, you have to pay extra, like the full amount. At least thanks to Baidu, I got this free bowl of vegetables that would just about make a bird full.

However, not all was lost as I quickly found Dunkin’ Donuts' stand, and for my efforts, nibbled at a bite of the lovely donut. A lot of the familiar brands – Pizza+, VSports, Saffron, and Cheers etc. – had up to 100 people dilligently waiting for scraps.

Approaching lunch time, it got even more crowded and I began to feel hungrier. After desperately queuing for another 20 minutes, I got my third sample, a bite of sandwich, which only prodded my hunger and made me feel even grumpier. Seriously, when you queue up for 20 minutes for a tiny bit of food, you start to have serious self-doubt: “Am I this cheap? Lining up with thousands of dama to beg for food that doesn’t even look good.”

We started to hallucinate ... “Is that man in a Pikachu suit edible?” “Wait, that's not a suit, and it looks totally edible!” Well, even though they were not edible, these Pikachus may have literally been the best thing here. Hoping to drown our sorrows, we walked by the only two local breweries on site, Panda Brew and Peiping Machine. Neither of them were open. Because there is no god.

We were going to collapse, until I saw a beacon shining in the distance. What it was, I wasn't entirely sure, but I wiped the remaining tears out of my eyes. Could it really be? Baozza? Baozza! And only 30 people in the line! And luckily they don’t serve free samples, which means they sell real food! The Baozza combo (RMB 20) – barbecue chicken and meat lover with spicy sauce – saved our day.

As if it couldn't get any worse, most of the vendors stopped serving free samples before 11.30am. Angry people were complaining about the organization and accusing it of being a scam. To be honest, except for the crocodile meat, I didn’t see anything nearly exotic enough to prove that there would be “1,000 foods that you’ve never seen.” I mean, really? Did they expect people from outer space? Secretly, and not to brag, I felt our Foodie Weekend was better (and less than half the price).

Well, there was one type of food I hadn't ever seen or really ever expect to see: edible condoms and marshmallows wrapped in panty liners. Yep, an edible pad. You pick up a pack of pads, gently tear into them, pick one “pad” out, and elegantly bite it. Whomever came up with this idea must be a genius – a genius pervert.  

Well, if you still decide to join in with this shitshow, here are some tips:

  1. Book online in advance, which could save you RMB 30
  2. Wear comfortable shoes, and be prepared to stand and queue
  3. Be willing to pay a lot to try the food
  4. Bring a smartphone with freaking good 4G
  5. Come with the patience of Buddha
  6. Know that you can buy edible panty liners on Taobao, so don't rush out too quickly.

I Love Chowhound runs August 24-28, 10.30am-9.30pm, at the National Agricultural Exhibition Centre.

More stories by this author here.

Email: tracywang@thebeijinger.com
Twitter: @flyingfigure
Instagram: @flyingfigure

Photos: Tracy Wang, Ou Yue

Comments

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Besides, no alcohol is allowed to sell there. The bottles you see at Panda, Peiping are for display. 

Also online ticket sales have been suspended so your only option if you intend on going is show up and hope they decide to let you in

Books by current and former Beijinger staffers

http://astore.amazon.com/truerunmedia-20

Confirmed, event has been declared free from here on out and electronic refunds are allegedly being issued to one and all. 

This should minimize complaints people have about free samples, but probably not going to much about the lines. 

Those intending to rock up and enter for free should be warned that there is an attendance cap and they reached the limit shortly after the noon hour yesterday, meaning those without pre-sale tix were turned away.

Books by current and former Beijinger staffers

http://astore.amazon.com/truerunmedia-20

There are rumors that there have been so many complaints that they are making the event free for next 3 days