Why I’m Coming Back to China

Two months ago I decided, like countless expats before me, that it was time to leave China. Well, after spending two months home in America, I’ve decided to come right back.

Now I know what you’re thinking: Didn’t I just go to this guy’s going-away party? How the hell did he get his old job back? Didn’t he just sell me his bookcase?

I don’t have time to explain all that right now, but whoever bought my bookcase: I’m going to need that back.

Since arriving back here, I’ve had many people ask me, “I thought you were sick of China. What convinced you to come back?”

First of all, I never said I was sick of China.

Second of all, I’m even more sick of the United States.

So why did I do it? Why did I come back after leaving with such fanfare?

This is going to sound crazy but I missed not having to use coins. Buying a pack of gum and getting three pounds of change back is just crazy. Plus they make your jeans sag.

Another reason is that I couldn’t find a job worthy of my extensive resume. Most employers didn’t give a lick how much China experience I had, and those who did were surprised that I didn’t pick up Mandarin in the five years I spent in Beijing. As if a language made up of squiggles is that easy to learn. In the end, I couldn’t even get a job teaching English in the States, because apparently you need like a Ph.D or something.

Honestly, I thought I’d feel more at home back home, but let’s just say that home wasn’t exactly where the heart is. In fact, being home is downright unbearable when your parents are constantly nagging you. When are you going to get a job? When are you going to move out of the basement? Did you take $40 from the cash drawer?

If I’m being perfectly frank, I also missed not being the center of attention just because I was foreign. I hadn’t counted on the fact that going back to my home country meant that I was not going to be a foreigner at all.

I hadn’t anticipated the reverse culture shock of going back either. Cars stopping for me at crosswalks made me feel self-conscious. I’d talk shit about people in English, forgetting they could understand the language. More than once I was thrown out of Abercrombie & Fitch for haggling and insisting that their clothes were knock-offs. And the prices. $2 for a bottled water? $20 for an ironic T-shirt? $7.95 plus tax for Kung Pao Chicken, not including rice?! Financial crisis my ass.

Then one day, after my mom made me clean the basement, I delved deep and asked myself: Sure, you can get ice water everywhere, but what good is that when you can’t hire an ayi to clean your room for you?

So I told my manager at Starbucks to shove it, took $40 from my parents’ cash drawer, and bought a one-way ticket back to the only place that could handle a pimp like me.

And what can I say? It’s nice to be back. It’s nice to not tip and not be harangued by the waiter or chased out of the restaurant by the maître d’.It’s nice to illegally download movies and not have Comcast cut off your Internet. It’s nice to not have to use coins.

Go ahead, call me a Loser Back Home. Just know that this LBH makes 300 kuai an hour tutoring rich people’s kids. I wouldn’t trade that for all the YouTube and Facebook in the world.

If this trip home has taught me anything, it’s that the country you live in is like a wife. Sometimes, when you’ve been in one place too long, you start to wonder what else is out there. So you flirt with other countries and realize that, holy shit, they are all crazy or super high-maintenance.

What I’m trying to say, China, is that those other countries didn’t mean a thing.It’s obvious we still need each other. No more running around, I promise. No sir – this time, I’m here to stay.

This article originally appeared on page 92 of the December issue of the Beijinger.

Click here to see the December issue of the Beijinger in full.

Photo: bridgeschoolchina.com

Comments

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You are nothing in your home country, of course a country which makes you feel significant is a place you would rather be Makes perfect sense, but the fact you wrote this and tried justifying yourself here makes me realize why you are a nobody in your home country.

And when I say still, I mean his more recent posts. Obviously this one is pretty old.

It's annoying that he still produces weak garbage like this at the risk of being picked up and quoted by the Chinese media all over again. Way to represent the foreign community.

Just read the first piece "Why I'm leaving China" - Laughed so hard I spat water on my computer. I prepared myself for this one.

Really like your articles! It's annoying that not everyone sees what it is.

This article has already been put on many top chinese websites, and forums. Well done...

Since the MSN is going to close soon, please contact me at lynn5900@yahoo.com or add me on QQ chat (171 857 9927).

still don't understand why you don't speak chinese after 5 (five!) years in beijing :B

I don't see why this article should hit anyone's nerve. George is writing about his own personal experience in a satirical way.
China is a heaven for a foreigner and you should embrace. I have been in Beijing for few months and I realize that this place has great potentials for a foreigner like me, unless you are a loser...
and my "extensive" resume comes from New York City...

So funny...

The first article I ever read by George Ding - "Why I'm Leaving China."
I'm still quoting that article. "Some of my friends have completely given up on life and gotten married."

Second article - "Why I'm Coming Back to China.
After this article, I am comforted to know that I'm not the only American who went back home and tried to haggle at a regular store. Sofa King Funny

(P.S. It's safe to say I don't usually read The Beijinger.)

haha, the reverse culture shock!

He he he he , welcome then as you begin ur journey like greatwall!

"Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos" (John 13:34)

haha, good satire (even though some may not understand). The reactions only show how much it hit a "nerve"....

I think in each good satire there is a bit of truth in it. In this case it may apply to some foreigners in China (who will not find it funny) and certainly to prejudices amongst Chinese.

more George

Books by current and former Beijinger staffers

http://astore.amazon.com/truerunmedia-20

The USA, like Canada, is a really nice place. But the government sucks and the people suck, and it is a very dangerous place to live. Amerika: love it or leave it. Any one with half a brain is leaving America.

what a clown...

I laughed like a crazy man on mushrooms to this.

Very funny.

You're an idiot. Go back to folding jeans in retail... If you didn't have business skills before you left the US, why would they hire you for any position in the "real world" because you've been singing ABC and Bingo dog for the last 5 years?

The situation in Beijing with Westerners is already volatile, we don't need this...

Can't they tell it's a joke?

@kammycat calm down

So summarizing, you're an American egocentric spoiled kid who doesn't even give a shit to integrate in the country you're living in. You don't like China, you just like the easy life you can have here. No need to write a post to say how good is life in China for a selfish American who just cares about money, partying and an ayi who cleans your pukes the day after. You're a loser for many other reasons.

George,welcome back Beijing.Enjoy yourself here!

@georgeding: I would love to... Though pointing out the joke kind of destroys the fun, it seems like it might be necessary for those that generally read this site.

Doubt wisely; in strange way / To stand inquiring right is not to stray; / To sleep, or run wrong, is. (Donne, Satire III)

In case you were wondering:

LBH = "Loser Back Home"

on par with

SIO = "Self-Important Overseas"

Jerry Chan, Digital Marketing & Content Strategy Director

brilliant satire... for an LBH.

this is great. rock on!

@fatboy: What makes you think I'm writing from the perspective of a Caucasian male? What, a Chinese-American can't work at Starbucks or shop at A&F? That's so racist.

@britomart: Thank you. Can I hire you to first every column with a disclaimer like that?

Quote:
If this trip home has taught me anything, it’s that the country you live in is like a wife. Sometimes, when you’ve been in one place too long, you start to wonder what else is out there. So you flirt with other countries and realize that, holy shit, they are all crazy or super high-maintenance.

This is the exact same reason why I as a Chinese citizen wanna go to the U.S.

That's one of the most shocking things I've read for a while. 33 dollars for Air Jordans??

Click here and your wildest dreams will come true.

Satire. Oh, please, people. SATIRE.

Doubt wisely; in strange way / To stand inquiring right is not to stray; / To sleep, or run wrong, is. (Donne, Satire III)

Not a fan of this piece, George. Your failure to appreciate a country like the United States isn't unique but it is telling. You traded the great qualities of your home, which would be too numerous to list, for a country that two months ago you couldn't stand. In two more months you'll hate China (or, more specifically, Beijing) again and want to get out.

Take the same attitude that you presently have of China (land of opportunity, cheap convenience, and superficial attention) and apply to the United States. America typically rewards go-getters. You went home and lazed around.

Not a fan of this piece, at all, George.

If this is not satire, I'm speechless.

Is George Ding thebeijinger's racist-in-residence? George, I don't see how this site let's you repeatedly insult Caucasian males. The people you are knocking are a visible minority in this city who are sometimes victims of racially motivated hate crimes.

Fine words George

""It’s obvious we still need each other. No more running around, I promise. No sir – this time, I’m here to stay.""

As long as China needs you!