Peking Man: Changes to Visa Application Guidelines for Foreign Visitors

Below are the latest changes to the guidelines for visa applications for foreign visitors, effective December 1, 2015.

Tourist Visa (“L” Visa)
Applicants must present a roundtrip air ticket and proof of travel arrangements (hotel accommodations or couch availability) in addition to an invitation letter issued by a relevant entity or individual in China whom we can hold responsible if you step out of line. Foreign visitors must apply for a residence permit at the local Public Security Bureau within 12 seconds of entry into China. Failure to register in time carries an arbitrary fine to be determined by the Public Security officer on duty.

Journalist Visa (“J” Visa)
To better protect foreign journalists sent to cover China, holders of J1 and J2 visas are now required to equip a GPS-enhanced leg brace upon entering the country. The journalist may choose which leg the brace will be attached to. Upon departure from China, the correspondent will return the brace and be held responsible for any damage incurred. Journalists are advised not to remove the brace as it is programmed to self-destruct. Trying to slip the brace down around the heel or “accidentally” banging it against the wall will cause the device to self-destruct. Tampering with the brace or sawing your leg off carries a fine of RMB 20,000.

Student Visa (“X” Visa)
Students applying to study or intern in China are required to submit a notarized document vowing to spend less than three nights per week in Sanlitun or less than 50 percent of their time in the office on Facebook. Upon entry, holders of X1 and X2 visas agree to start a sporadically updated blog about the life-changing experience of living in China. Approved posts include:

• Meet my new Chinese friend!
• My AMAZING trip to Xi’an!
• Apology for not updating the blog as often as you’d like.

High-Level Talent Visa (“R” Visa)
R visas will be issued to foreigners with skills urgently needed by China, such as an understanding of overseas tax shelters or the real estate market in California.

Yellow Fever Visa (“Y” Visa)
Foreigners with an unhealthy obsession with Asian men/women may apply for a Yellow Fever visa, provided they show sufficient proof of their affliction. One of the following documents is required:

• An 800-word essay on why applicant is unable to find suitable Asian men/women in applicant’s home country.
• Invitation letter from a relevant entity or individual in China. The letter should include the name, gender, and date of birth of the invitee, in addition to a description of how bad they’ve got it.
• Prom photograph of applicant with Asian date.

Consular officers will determine the number of entries and duration of stay depending on the severity of Yellow Fever. Ten-year multiple entry visas are available with proof of three consecutive Asian boyfriends/girlfriends.

Whistleblower Visa (“W” Visa)

• Foreign nationals seeking asylum in China should apply for the whistleblower visa, provided they show proof of top-secret information stolen or otherwise procured from their home country, including but not limited to:
• Blueprints for fighter jets or missile defense systems.
• Compromising information regarding foreign leaders.
• Evidence of clandestine surveillance programs that directly contradict a foreign country’s purported commitment to freedom and independence.

Foreigners may apply for the whistleblower visa upon arrival. Applicants will be housed in a five-star hotel of their choice while their documents are inspected. Once their documents have been verified, the applicant will be granted a lifelong W visa.

Photo: upgrd.com